Fear and People-pleasing

Hey there BCU Fam!

For this post, because of the informal format, please tune into the podcast recording (click here or on the BCU avatar below) and refer to the written post for the highlights. We pray the post blesses and encourages you. If so, please thumbs up AND leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

Podcast highlights:

  • In my recent internet travels, an influencer spoke about fear as is relates to people-pleasing.
  • While trauma is usually the reason, basically speaking, people-pleasing is rooted in the spirit of fear.
  • Sometimes, we operate in the fear of what will happen if we say “no” to people, especially if they are powerful, have influence, have something we need, or have a habit of “making” us feel guilty. That is called a snare.
  • If God tells us to say no, we must trust that He has better way, and His way will keep us safe.

Scripture references

Proverbs 29:25

25 The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe.

I Timothy 1:7

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Galatians 5:19-21

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Proverbs 21:1

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.

Galatians 1:10

10 For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.

Ephesians 6:10

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might.

People-pleasing is rooted in the spirit of fear. What is it about this person that we are so afraid of?


BCUFam, people-pleasing and the addiction to people-approval is a subtle snare set up by the enemy, and many of us have gotten caught up in it. The good news is that Jesus has come to set us free from the fear of people! If we can trust that He will take care of us despite what the people say, then we will ALWAYS be safe. Let’s pray!

Father in the name of Jesus, we thank you for your Word that reminds us that we do NOT have to live in the fear of people. As we come before you, please forgive us for the times that we allowed fear to put others before You, Lord. Also, Lord, please forgive us for being the person who used fear to set a snare for someone else.

In the name of Jesus, we ask you to please come in set us all free from the snare of people-pleasing! Break every chain of people-approval, over-explaining ,and even being the person who is using our power or influence to make someone fearful of us. Free us, Jesus from the guilt that comes after we say “no”. And Lord, if we are being told “no”, help us to receive it graciously! Bless us to remember not to be a snare to anyone, because You supply our needs, Jesus. We trust that You will work everything out for us, Your way and in Your time. So while we wait, we thank You, Jesus for sustaining us.

Fill our hearts and minds with your perfect love, as I John 4:18 reminds us, that casts out all fear, and please bless us to continue walking in our deliverance and victory! Thank You Jesus for blessing us to trust in You, so that we are safe. We thank You for answering our plea, and will ever give Your Name the praise, glory and honor for Who You are and all You do for us. It is in Jesus name we pray and thank You, Lord! Amen!

As a reminder, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

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Thank you SO much for stopping by! May God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

Overcoming over-thinking.

Hey there BCU Family!

You have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH. In any case, we pray the podcast blesses you. If so, please thumbs up or leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy your study! 

The last time we were together, we talked about our runaway imaginations– the thoughts that go on in our heads (worry, anxiety and rage) when our expectations and reality do not meet up.

As I ponder that post from last week, the Lord started talking with me about the thoughts we have about others…and what they think about us. And why.

A. You throw on old clothes to run out to the market. A fellow shopper casually glances in your direction. You think to yourself, I should have put on better clothes…they must think I am a bum or here to steal something.

B. After greeting a person you haven’t seen in a while, you think, “she must be wondering why I gained so much weight.”  You think about this so much that don’t hear anything she is saying–and then—you interrupt her conversation to explain your weight gain.

C. You are tardy to a function and think that everyone is wondering why you are late. As you greet each individual, you apologize over and over profusely.  No one noticed you were late.

D. You overanalyze conversations, facial expressions and electronic communication.

  • You mention to a person that the color green (a color they hardly wear) looks good on them. You start to think they may be thinking that you were saying they did not look good in any other colors except for green and should only wear that color.
  • Why did Boss raise his eyebrow when I mentioned I liked Costco–I bet he thought I was going to apply!  I LIKE my job. I don’t want to get fired! I better start looking for a job.
  • I think this mass email is directed toward the length of my presentation. Joe and I were the only ones who presented last week and his presentation was 10 minutes and mine was 11.5 minutes.

Does any of this ring true at all, BCU Fam? 🤦🏽‍♀️

Overthinking can happen to any of us in times of stress, anger, or heavy decision making. For many over thinkers, it’s an everyday process that can rob you of time, drain your emotions and your peace and security with God. While God has given us the ability to think and reason for ourselves, guessing what people are thinking, attempting to correct what we are guessing and/or living in terror of what people think is rooted in FEAR. which doesn’t come from God.  Let’s look at what the word of God has to say about this.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

  • We have power in the name of Jesus and His perfect love in us casts out all fear (I John 4;18). A sound mind in the Greek is sophronismos which means self-control; discipline or moderation.  If we allow the power and love of Jesus to rule our minds, our thoughts will be under control and disciplined to what the Lord and His Word tells us versus what circumstances or situations tell us.

The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe (Proverbs 29:25). 

 For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10).

  • Truthfully speaking, overthinking, fear and people-pleasing are a vicious cycle. Solomon says that the fear of man is a snare–a trap that the enemy sets to rob you of your spiritual, financial, mental, emotional and sometimes even physical liberty. Fearing people will always keep us in bondage to them and their ever-changing and often out-of God’s will agenda. It takes practice and yielding, but, true servants of the Lord seek to please only Him.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Me: because he trusteth in Me (Isaiah 26:3).

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).

  • Peace is a benefit God provides to those who keep their minds on and trust God. It also comes as a result from us exchanging our cares, anxiety or worry (a by-product of overthinking) by praying humbly and with fervency, along with thanking God for what we are asking for. The peace (tranquility, rest, quietness in mind) that comes about will allow you to hear God’s thoughts on what, if anything to think/say.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer (Psalm 19:14).

It is interesting that David included words and thoughts that need to be acceptable in the sight of God. Meditations mean to turn or revolve subjects in mind; continued thoughts or contemplation. When we feel the desire contemplate certain thoughts over and over, we should head back to Philippians 4:8 and use it as our “thought sifter” and ensure they line up with the Word of God. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. What we allow our minds to ruminate on will eventually spill out of our mouths. Isn’t it better to speak what Jesus would want us to say?

You know, BCU Fam, our minds are SO powerful, thanks be to the God that made us! The Lord knows some of us overthink and has made a provision for our deliverance–we just need to ask for His help. Once He heals our minds, we can maintain our healing by continual prayer and mediation on His word. In additionEphesians 5:18-20 reminds us to be filled with His Spirit, as well as speaking to ourselves in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord–along with giving God thanks for all things. With all of these spiritual measures in place, BCU Family, we are assured of the victory of overthinking and over speaking. Amen? Amen!

As an introvert, I can DEFINITELY relate to this topic! With God’s help, I really have to be intentional about allow the Spirit of God to govern my thoughts. What about you? How do you deal with your overthinking tendencies? Let’s talk more in the comments section below!

Finally, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter , and Instagram! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

When the storm comes: peace or panic?

Hey there BCU Family!

Typically, you have the option of listening to our podcast, reading the notes or both. For this post, because of the informal format, please tune into the podcast recording and refer to the written post for the highlights. We pray the post blesses and encourages you. If so, please thumbs up AND leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

Podcast highlights:

  • No matter where we live in the world, at some point we will experience a storm (i.e. rain, snow, wind..)
  • Depending on the type of storm and our preparedness or attitude about it–they can produce a feeling of peace or rest. OR they can invoke waves of emotions such as anxiety, worry, fear or nervousness.
  • Similarly, at some point/points in our lives, we will experience a/storm/s. And we either rest in the peace of God, or be tormented in our minds with anxiety.
  • Even in the stormiest and scariest storms in our lives, Jesus is with us and wants us to have His peace.

Scripture references:

Mark 4:35-41

35 And the same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side.

36 And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships.

37 And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.

38 And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?

39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

40 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?

41 And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?

 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.       (1 Peter 5:10).

I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee (Hebrews 13:5 b).



So what are your thoughts on our topic-du-jour? What is your go-to behavior when the storm clouds rise and the ship is full of water? Do you immediately go to fretting? Or take the storm to our mighty God? A bit of both? Please head to the comments section below and let’s chat some more!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter , and Instagram! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

Confronting the spirit of fear.

Hey there BCU Family!

As usual, you have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH. In any case, we pray the post blesses you. If so, please thumbs up or leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy your study!

 

I “wrassled” with something awhile back and I thought I’d share  with you all, in case you have a similar situation. If not, take it on credit.

I had an acquaintance we’ll call “Jamie” (name changed), who I TOTALLY thank God for. The thing with Jaime? They have a penchant for being very talkative to the point where 1) you can’t get a word in edgewise 2) the conversations are not always fruitful (sometimes laced with complaints and backbiting) and 3) “mindless chatter”, all of which I have a low tolerance for (yes, I pray even now that God help me with this). Now to Jamie’s defense, they are very nice and will share the last Ring Ding with you, but listen, is a Ring Ding worth all of that conversation?!

While I would fraternize with Jamie when I needed to, it’s not something I wanted to do. In fact, I tried to avoid Jamie at as much as possible, fearing I’ll get into a long conversation, or say something (nicely, of course) that will hurt the über-sensitive feelings of this individual and lose my Christian witness.  Jamie was the type of person who you could say something to in the nicest way possible, but would still be hurt. I was in a tough place.

So one day, Jamie left me a message –apparently it was question that only I could answer. In a matter of seconds, my attitude changed from happy to irritation and anger because there was no way to avoid talking to this person. My mind raced wildly–what now? Didn’t I take care of that other situation we had last week? Is this question going to lead to a verbal bashing of a friend? Should I schedule our conversation in between appointments—that way I could limit my time talking? Then, I started practice responses to possible questions that could come up—-RARRRRRRRR!! (arms flailing).

While I was ranting in my car, the Lord invited me to talk to Him about it. Rather than let anxiety take over, as Philippians 4:6 reminded me, it was better that I make my requests known before God in prayer, supplication and with thanksgiving, so that God’s peace would keep my heart and mind.

In talking this through with God, the bottom line was FEAR! I was letting FEAR make me crazy before I even knew what the situation was. Also, I was running (related to fear) from this thing like it was a six-foot bear, when with God on my side, this situation was a plastic poodle! On top of it, I was tired of being afraid!

As a Holy Ghost filled woman, I have Christ on my side, and whatever the conversation was, I needed to be ready to tell Jamie with seasoned speech if what was being said was not agreeing with me or I needed to get going. I also needed to quit worrying (a by- product of fear) about hurting feelings in lieu of pleasing God.  In addition, Proverbs 27:5 reminded me that open rebuke is better than secret love, AND as long as my speech was seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6), God would be pleased. In the final analysis, pleasing God is really the only thing that matters. After talking that over with Jesus, the peace that came over me was AMAZING!! I felt armed and ready to deal with Jamie or any other potentially sticky situation.

How did my Jamie story end? It turns out that a couple of emails answered Jamie’s questions (see, I didn’t even have to chat with him after all), and NOW with God’s grace and help, I’ll be better equipped to deal with a confrontation when needed with NO FEAR! Sure, tackling an unpleasant issue is uncomfortable and unnerving–but confrontation is biblical. We just have to know how to do God’s way and that starts with prayer! He will give us the words to say so the conversation will be perfect. So with have our directions from God and Holy Ghost leading us, there’s no need to be afraid–God’s got our back!

The final word on fear? II Timothy  1:7 reminds us that God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Let’s take God at His word and walk in what He says. Amen? Amen!

What are your experiences with fear? How have you handled it? Or do you let it handle you like I did? Let’s continue our conversation in the comments section below!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook,Twitter, or Instagram! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

Rejoice, people of God! The fight is FIXED!

Hey 👋🏾 there BCU Family!

As usual, you have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH. In any case, we pray the post blesses you. If so, please thumbs up or leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

I Samuel 17:4-54 tells how giant Goliath, champion of the Philistines taunted the Israelites twice daily for over a month–looking for someone to fight him. He was “kind” enough to make a deal with the Israelites: if they won, the Philistines would be their servants, but if he won the Israelites would be servants to the Philistines. (verses 8-10). I wonder if Goliath and his crew rested assured thinking, “yep, we got them right where we want them.”

Meanwhile, the word tells us the Israelites were dismayed and greatly afraid! (verse 11).  These were the same people who experienced the blessings (and punishment) of God, but likely because Goliath was so big (almost ten feet) weighted with all that armor, and so confident, he frightened his opponents so NO one wanted to fight him. That is, until David, a youthful shepherd came by.

David heard about Goliath’s behavior, the Israelites’ fear, and was incensed that he would defy the army of the living God. David went to Goliath with no armour, rather with The Lord on his side, and a rock to Goliath’s forehead. As I was reading this story, the Lord pointed out three points.

Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God? (David–1 Samuel 17:26b)

1)Notice Goliath never touched the Israelites—he just spoke to them and they fell to pieces (see verses 8-10). In comparison, the adversary is a type of Goliath. He taunts, accuses, brings feelings of doubt, fear, worry —sometimes paralyzing us so we fall apart and we will not fight. We allow the enemy to stop us from doing what God called us to. We draw back when we notice the stern, unsmiling faces at church when we speak. We stop praising God freely because someone is looking at us. We stay out of the prayer line fearing the congregation will be wondering why we are up for prayer–again. We think,”what if God doesn’t…..” or “maybe people will laugh” or “what if I mess up?” The list can go on and on, but you get the picture. Proverbs 29:25 reminds us, the fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. Whose side are we trusting on?

Let no man’s heart fail because of him [Goliath], I [David] will go and fight with this Philistine (1 Samuel 17:32).

2) While the feelings of fear, worry and doubt may creep up (that’s a normal reaction in the flesh), we have to think and act in The Spirit. Recall what David said to Goliath: You come to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou has defiled (1 Samuel 17:45). David had total confidence in God and the ability God gave him. AND David didn’t have the Holy Ghost, but WE do. We’ve got THE power in the name of Jesus, we just have to use it!

3) While we do not wrestle against flesh and blood (no stones needed) 😄, we do wrestle against principalities, powers, the rulers of the darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12). Our battles are fought and won with fasting, prayer, reading and applying your Word in faith, knowing that our God is God and following His battle plan ensures victory EVERY time! The fight is fixed!

The Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear, he will deliver from out of the hand of this Philistine. (David–1 Samuel 17:37).

Bottom line: while there are some “Goliaths” in all our lives from time to time, those of us who are Holy Ghost filled have the privilege to know the same God on whom David relied, is the same one we can call on for help. Psalms 98:1 reminds us His [God’s] right hand and His holy arm has gotten Him the victory. Because He lives in You, you can rest in knowing God is working on your behalf to ensure you will be victorious, according to His will! Glory to God!!!! Fight on and share your victory (or your struggle–we’ll be praying with you) with us in the comment section below!

If you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and  YouTube! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and iTunes!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU