7 reasons why we do not forgive.

Hey there BCU Family!

As usual, you have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH. In any case, we pray the podcast blesses you. If so, please thumbs up or leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy your study!

So if you’ve been listening for any length of time, you may notice the the Lord has been bringing up forgiveness.

Quite a bit.

Forgiveness means a dismissal of a debt; letting go or a release. Our version of forgiveness usually deals with us giving out “justice”, meaning, giving people what we feel they deserve (bad treatment/punishment). In actuality, our forgiveness should be steeped in grace (giving people the good they do not deserve) and mercy NOT giving people the bad treatment/punishment they deserve.

It’s been said that lack of forgiveness is the number one sins committed among Christians—which is pretty sad and scary considering the Matthew 18:34-35, that reminds us if we don’t forgive our brother of their trespasses from the heart, we’ll be delivered over to the tormentors (see Matthew 18:23-35 for the entire Scripture in context).

Below, are 7 common reasons* that people choose to hold on to offenses. And Scriptures answers to why you should let go of the offense.

1) I’ll forgive when he/she apologizes. See Matthew 5:23-24.

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Sometimes we need to initiate the conversation to accelerate the forgiveness process.

2) I’ll forgive when they PROVE they changed. | See Matthew 18:23-27

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

Notice that in order to be forgiven, the king did not require any proof of change. He simply forgave his servant. Grace and mercy in action.

3) I’ll forgive her, but I won’t forget what she did. | See Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Typically, whatever the offender did was something that has hurt us, makes us angry, disappointed, etc.  If we keep “replaying” in our minds what the offender did, we are in direct violation of what God says we should be thinking about. Forgiving the person will release you of the hurt and allow you to think on the positive things Paul talks about.

4) He does not have to worry about me,  he is out of my life forever. | See Matthew 18:32-35; I John 3:15 

32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

Bottom line? If we don’t forgive, we will NOT make it into Heaven. Period.

5) She needs to come to me FIRST. It wasn’t my fault. See 1 John 2:16; Proverbs 16:18; Matthew 5:23-25.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

That statement is steeped in pride, which goes before destruction. Once again, we may need to initiate the conversation in order to facilitate the forgiveness.

6) I forgave him, but were not speaking. |See 1 John 2:16; Proverbs 16:18; Matthew 5:23-25

Pride rears it’s ugly head again. See the Scriptures for reason number 5.

7) If I forgive her, I’m a punk, admitting wrong, letting her off the hook. |See Matthew 5:7.

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 

Mercy is NOT giving someone the bad/punishment they deserve.

Forgiving is SERIOUS business. How many of these reasons have you used to justify not forgiving people? What are you thoughts about forgiving? Please head down to the comments section to share your thoughts so we can continue our conversation!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter,  and Instagram,  You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

*Reasons were adapted from https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/the-real-reason-we-don-t-forgive.html. Updated and Scripture-referenced by BlenCouragesU.

Continue reading “7 reasons why we do not forgive.”

The last word…

Hey 👋🏾 there BCU Family!

As usual, you have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH. In any case, we pray the post blesses you. If so, please thumbs up or leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

As we bring our 2016 Loopback lessons series to a close, this question came up:

“If you knew the words you are speaking to  your loved one, friend, family, neighbor, enemy or even a stranger, would be the last words they heard or the last ones you spoke to them–would you really continue saying what you are saying? Or would your words be different?

Years ago, I worked at a bank and landed (well, God placed me) in a department where the majority of employees were Holy-Ghost filled and/or grew up in church. As young saints, we loved going to one another’s services, gospel concerts, and sharing the latest teachings, revelations, heartaches and triumphs.

Eventually, the bank was bought out and jobs were lost, but I kept in touch close touch with a fellow named Henry.  Henry was funny, goofy and could work a nerve, but the Lord also used him show and tell me a few things. We went from the era of paying our bills downtown (we called paying a smaller part of the phone bill “hush money” LOL), to paying them online, Jheri curls to clean bald, renting apartments to owning homes, buses to paying car notes, from records to cassette tapes, to CD’s to downloading music. Wow– a lot took place over the last two decades.

Sometimes, Henry and I would talk several times daily, other times, weekly or a few times a month. (Although Henry would text me and was very ACTIVE on social media. He would be sure to comment about my latest Facebook post, picture or outing attended–and oftentimes with a smart mouth at that)!  When we did connect via the phone, it was as if there had not been any lapse at all.

I spoke to Henry sometime in October of last year. I don’t recall the exact conversation at all.  What I do remember? It was the last time we spoke on the telephone. Henry unexpectedly  passed away the very next month. BCU Fam, I did not see that coming. At.All. *Insert heavy sigh.* While my heart grieves at the loss of my friend, I give God praise for the almost 25-year friendship and that the last words we exchanged were not harsh, unloving or something regretful.

We often treat our communication very nonchalantly. When we ask “how are you?”, do we really want to know?  Or is it another way of saying “hi.” Do we look for a opportunity to connect with someone, say at the cleaners or the market, or is our aim to get in and get out? You may be thinking, “well, Blen it is a stranger. Who cares?”

A few years ago, I was a frazzled customer trying to make my way out of the checkout line in a hurry. I must have left a bag in the store or something, because I recall rushing back in only to be greeted by a very pleasant-looking woman who asked how I was doing. I probably said, “fine” with a smile, but my heart was saying, “I really need to get out of here” as I kept moving. She actually stopped me, gave me the biggest hug, and then told me “now, you can go”. I was shocked by her act, but it warmed my heart and caused me to slow down. And to my knowledge, I haven’t seen her again. I can’t recall what I ate last for lunch last Tuesday, but I remember how much that “how are you doing?” blesses me even now. See what I mean?

Closer to home, is dinner with family and friends a time to look one another in the face and converse, or do we immediately pull phones out while we update one another on the Twitter news?  I recall being out to dinner with my family and catching a glance of another family of four or five who was waiting to be served. Everyone at the table, including the parents, were hunched over their phones. I think that was the loudest silence I have heard. How differently would the conversation had gone if they knew it was the last time they would all be together? What if the Lord had taken one of them from the group that night? How much regret would there have been?

Or, think about this true story: a son and mom get into an quarrel about a poor decision the son makes. Tempers flare, words are exchanged, doors slam and silence engulfs the house for days. Later that week, the son (who is in his 20’s) falls gravely ill and going in and out of consciousness at the hospital.  As the young man finally comes to, he looks up at his mom and immediately asks “are you still mad at me?” Can you imagine that?! Think about how mom would have felt if that heated exchange would have been their last conversation. Thankfully, the Lord spared and healed the son–and taught the family a valuable lesson.

BCU Fam, please don’t start walking in fear about who may be departing from this life next–that’s not the intended point behind this post. Rather, as you interact with spouses, significant others, children, family members, friends, enemies or strangers, ask the Lord to give you the words to speak that will be a blessing to the hearer.  Colossians 4:6 says, to let our speech be always with grace and seasoned with salt that we know how to answer every one. Even if we disagree or have to confront (in a godly way), or correct someone, we can still speak “seasoned” and all the while glorifying God.

James 4:14 says we don’t know what shall happen tomorrow–our life is like a vapor. When you think about fog or a cloud of steam, it’s visible one moment and disappears the next. Vapor does make an impact while it is around, so with the help of the Lord, let’s say and do things that “add value” to whoever  we’re speaking with. Amen? Amen.

BCU family, there is no doubt I miss my buddy Henry–my life will never be the same without him. And, if I had known our conversation would have been our last, it would have been a LOT different–with a heaping helping of love. But through his death, the Lord is still good in reminding us to be mindful of ALL our interactions. No one that we speak with comes into our paths by accident–God intended for those conversation to take place. Will you allow the Lord to speak through you? That leads us to our question of the week!

With the help of the Lord, how do you plan to have meaningful conversations with the people you come in contact with?  Please comment below!

As a reminder, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and now YouTube! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and iTunes!

Thank you SO much for stopping by! God bless you, keep you and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

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In loving memory of Henry G. Nelson