7 reasons why we do not forgive.

Hey there BCU Family!

As usual, you have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH. In any case, we pray the podcast blesses you. If so, please thumbs up or leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy your study!

So if you’ve been listening for any length of time, you may notice the the Lord has been bringing up forgiveness.

Quite a bit.

Forgiveness means a dismissal of a debt; letting go or a release. Our version of forgiveness usually deals with us giving out “justice”, meaning, giving people what we feel they deserve (bad treatment/punishment). In actuality, our forgiveness should be steeped in grace (giving people the good they do not deserve) and mercy NOT giving people the bad treatment/punishment they deserve.

It’s been said that lack of forgiveness is the number one sins committed among Christians—which is pretty sad and scary considering the Matthew 18:34-35, that reminds us if we don’t forgive our brother of their trespasses from the heart, we’ll be delivered over to the tormentors (see Matthew 18:23-35 for the entire Scripture in context).

Below, are 7 common reasons* that people choose to hold on to offenses. And Scriptures answers to why you should let go of the offense.

1) I’ll forgive when he/she apologizes. See Matthew 5:23-24.

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Sometimes we need to initiate the conversation to accelerate the forgiveness process.

2) I’ll forgive when they PROVE they changed. | See Matthew 18:23-27

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

Notice that in order to be forgiven, the king did not require any proof of change. He simply forgave his servant. Grace and mercy in action.

3) I’ll forgive her, but I won’t forget what she did. | See Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Typically, whatever the offender did was something that has hurt us, makes us angry, disappointed, etc.  If we keep “replaying” in our minds what the offender did, we are in direct violation of what God says we should be thinking about. Forgiving the person will release you of the hurt and allow you to think on the positive things Paul talks about.

4) He does not have to worry about me,  he is out of my life forever. | See Matthew 18:32-35; I John 3:15 

32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

Bottom line? If we don’t forgive, we will NOT make it into Heaven. Period.

5) She needs to come to me FIRST. It wasn’t my fault. See 1 John 2:16; Proverbs 16:18; Matthew 5:23-25.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

That statement is steeped in pride, which goes before destruction. Once again, we may need to initiate the conversation in order to facilitate the forgiveness.

6) I forgave him, but were not speaking. |See 1 John 2:16; Proverbs 16:18; Matthew 5:23-25

Pride rears it’s ugly head again. See the Scriptures for reason number 5.

7) If I forgive her, I’m a punk, admitting wrong, letting her off the hook. |See Matthew 5:7.

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 

Mercy is NOT giving someone the bad/punishment they deserve.

Forgiving is SERIOUS business. How many of these reasons have you used to justify not forgiving people? What are you thoughts about forgiving? Please head down to the comments section to share your thoughts so we can continue our conversation!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter,  and Instagram,  You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

*Reasons were adapted from https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/the-real-reason-we-don-t-forgive.html. Updated and Scripture-referenced by BlenCouragesU.

Continue reading “7 reasons why we do not forgive.”

Stopping the replay part 3: The reaction

Hey 👋🏾 there BCU Family!

Typically, you have the option of listening to our podcast, reading the notes or both. For this post, because of the conversational format, please tune into the podcast recording and refer to the written post for the highlights and corresponding Scriptures. We pray the post blesses and encourages you.  If so, please thumbs up AND leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

In part one of our series,  we talked about how we handled difficult conversations that are left with hurt feelings and unresolved issues, to whit, we often tend to replay the conversation in our heads over and over again. The root of the replay is lack of forgiveness which is importance and a necessity in a christian’s life (See Matthew 18). Last time, we took a look at the need for us to forgive ourselves.  In our final installment, let’s explore the replay in terms of “the reaction”. You know, how the you or the other person re/act before, during or after a conversation.

Podcast highlights:

  • We sometimes rehearse the outcome in our minds because of:

— the actual reaction (usually unfavorable).

–the anticipated reaction (what might happen).

–the inaction (the person didn’t react/follow-through how YOU wanted).

  • These feelings are rooted in pride, fear and/or a lack of trust in God’s Word and direction.
  • Unless there is a victory report, replays are not of God.

 

 

Scripture to consider:

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7) .

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.. (2 Corinthians 10:5).

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world (1 John 2:16).

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother (Matthew 18:15).

Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee to deliver thee, says the LORD (Jeremiah 1:8).

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things (Philippians 4:8).

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer (Psalm 19:14).

What are your thoughts on what we’ve talked about? How are your “self-conversations” going to be different? Let’s talk about it in the comments section!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter Instagram, and  YouTube! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

Stopping the replay part 2: Forgiving yourself.

Hey 👋🏾 there BCU Family!

Typically, you have the option of listening to our podcast, reading the notes or both. For this post, because of the conversational format, please tune into the podcast recording and refer to the written post for the highlights and corresponding Scriptures. We pray the post blesses and encourages you.  If so, please thumbs up AND leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

Last time we were together, we talked about how we handled difficult conversations that are left with hurt feelings and unresolved issues, to whit, we often tend to replay the conversation in our heads over and over again. The root of the replay is lack of forgiveness which is importance and a necessity in a Christian’s life (See Matthew 18).

Let’s take a look at forgiveness for someone else. Ourselves.

Podcast highlights:

  • Sometimes, we are the offending party.
  • Rehearsing the situation in your heart or with others stir the embers of guilt and shame.
  • These feelings ALSO come from lack of forgiveness.
  • We need to forgive ourselves.
  • Unless there is a victory report, replays are not of God.

Scripture to consider:

In many things, we offend all… (James 3:2).

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24).

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.. (2 Corinthians 10:5).

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit (Romans 8:1).

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things (Philippians 4:8).

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer (Psalm 19:14).

What are your thoughts on what we’ve talked about? How comfortable are you with the difference between conviction (God) and condemnation from Satan, the accuser (See Revelation 12:10)? Have you forgiven yourself?  Let’s talk about it in the comments section!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter Instagram, and  YouTube! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

How do you STOP the instant replay?

Hey 👋🏾 there BCU Family!

Typically, you have the option of listening to our podcast, reading the notes or both. For this post, because of the conversational format, please tune into the podcast recording and refer to the written post for the highlights and corresponding Scriptures. We pray the post blesses and encourages you.  If so, please thumbs up AND leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

What happens when you have a difficult conversation? Do you replay the scene in your head over and over again?

Podcast highlights:

  • In most cases, we either “fight (strike back) or flight (shut down).
  • In either case, we tend to “replay” the situation, when there are unresolved/residual ill or hurt feelings.
  • These feelings come from lack of forgiveness and the reaction/inaction of the other party.
  • Forgiveness is necessary (See Matthew 18).
  • Unless there is a victory report, replays are not of God.

Scripture to consider:

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24).

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.. (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Acknowledge the Lord in ALL your ways and He WILL direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:6)

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21-22).

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things (Philippians 4:8).

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer (Psalm 19:14).

BCU Family, replaying a conversation  and mediating on what you would/should/could do or what they should have said or done differently is vain or empty and unacceptable to God as those thoughts do not line up with Philippians 4:8. We are ALWAYS welcome to go to Him to talk about it, give it to Him and LEAVE it there, Period. If we’re still talking about how hurt we are days, months, weeks, or years later, we haven’t  forgiven the person or given the situation to God. Let’s talk more about this the next time we’re together.

What are your thoughts on what we’ve talked about? Are the mind replays a struggle? Let’s talk about it in the comments section!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter Instagram, and  YouTube! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

And just WHY do we need to forgive?!

[Hey 👋🏾 there BCU Family!

Typically, you have the option of listening to our podcast, reading the notes or both. For this post, because of the conversational story, please tune into the podcast recording and refer to the written post for the highlights and corresponding Scriptures. We pray the post blesses and encourages you.  If so, please thumbs up AND leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy the post!

My pastor often says that the number one sin among believers is not forgiving someone. And I have to admit, BCU Fam is one of the HARDEST things to do, especially with repeat offenders and those who have really hurt us badly, as we talked about last time we were together.  Despite the forgiveness struggle, we need to forgive with the help of the Lord.  Let’s jump into our second and final part of the series.

Podcast highlights:

  • Offenses will come..and ANYONE we come in contact with is subject to offending us.
  • In many things we offend all. This means while we may get offended, we offend others.
  • When we forgive, we MUST do it from the heart—once and for all.
  • Sources vary a bit, but on average, ten thousand talents equates to several million dollars in American money (USD). One hundred pence is about $17.00 USD.
  • Forgiveness is a part of the Christian walk. And required in order to get forgiveness from God.

Scripture references

 Woe unto the world because of offenses! for it must needs be that offenses come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! (Matthew 18:7).

Matthew 18:21-35

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, until seventy times seven.

23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.

29 And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

31 So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.

32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

Forgiveness is a tough subject, BCU Fam, yet something that all of us (especially believers) need to apply with God’s help. The Scriptures are clear that if we don’t forgive, we don’t GET forgiven! Who wants to miss Heaven over that? No one does! Let’s take the people, situations and pain to Jesus and allow Him to heal us. I am a witness He will make you as good as new—even better!

So, what is your forgiveness story? How long did you hold on to the offense? What prompted you to let go? Or are you still holding it?  Please has down to the comment section here on the BCU site, where we can continue our conversation!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and  YouTube! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU