Naturally speaking…

Hey there family!

January, 2011
It’s been a minute since I’ve talked about my transition from relaxed to natural hair! I thought I’d share a little what I’ve learned over the past 5 months. Relaxed fam, feel free to read along. You might get some good product info as well!

20110514-121108.jpgI am a CPJ– certified product junkie! I always was, but I think this Natural quest took the junkism up to the next level! Right now, my favorite products are Shea Moisture, Oyin Handmade, Darcy’s Botanicals and Trader Joe’s brand conditioner. I’ll talk about my routine later.

20110514-121532.jpgAdditionally, I LOVE Henna!* I’ve tried it a few times already and try to do that every 3-4 weeks or so. It’s a little labor intensive, but I think it made a difference in the strength of my hair. For those who aren’t familiar, Henna is like a natural protein treatment that can add strength, sheen, and help loosen curls while adding a slight “stain” to your hair (your hair will have barely-there reddish undertone in the sun and any gray hair will take on reddish color as well). The more you Henna, the stronger your hair becomes! I don’t think I’ll EVER use commercial color again!

You can kick up the color of your Henna by adding hibiscus flowers for more of a burgundy color and cloves for more of a copper color (both colors noticeable in sun or bright light). I boil my hibiscus leaves in about 4 or ounces of water with a green tea bag and maybe 2 ounces of lemon juice. In a glass or plastic bowl, I mix the cooled, strained liquid with my Henna powder into a yogurt consistency and let it sit covered overnight at room temperature overnight.

Before I apply to Henna to freshly shampooed and sectioned hair, I add a little honey to the mix (adds moisture and makes the Henna rinse out a lot easier) and apply the paste to every strand of hair. Cover hair in plastic wrap, and chill out for at least two hours to overnight. I wash it out thoroughly with water and ” shampoo” with cheap conditioner. Then I follow-up with a protein-free, moisturizing (Trader Joe’s or Shea Moisture) conditioner for about an hour or so. Once that’s rinsed, I’m left with softer, shinier tinted hair. 20110514-121830.jpg

Anytime I shampoo and/or Henna, it takes a day or two for my hair to “bounce back” in terms of curl def, moisture and sheen, so I try to do that on Friday/Saturday when I don’t have any place to be right away. I also add a little glycerin to my products after a shampoo/Henna session and style as normal, which leads me to my daily routine—at least for now!

At night, I dampen my hair with water or Oyin’s Frank Juice. I then take a little Shea Moisture Curl Smoothie and/or Oyin’s Shine and Define mixed with a little coconut oil (to seal in moisture) and twist my hair. I’m not neat about it, either— it’s just to keep my hair moist, in place and help curl definition. Pop on your bonnet and lights out!

In the morning, I let the mist hit my hair in the shower, untwist and repeat the nightly process, just using a bit of the Curl Smoothie/Shine and Define. Once I fluff and style, I’ll seal again with coconut oil or Oyin’s Burnt Sugar Pomade. If I’m lacking curl definition, I use a wee bit of Darcy’s Coiling Jelly. I finish off with a couple of spritzes of Shea Moisture and keep it moving. My hair won’t really hold a defined twist–it just curls up so I roll with her! Lol!

I am also fond of Flax seed gel**, thanks to Naptural85 on YouTube! I sometimes use this in place of water when twisting at night. I tried it recently and my hair feels less “product-y.” My 3c/4a hair has a tendency to be very thirsty and lose curl definition ifiI don’t follow my routine. I’m still trying to find a product/ combo that will keep my hair moisturizer and hold the definition but since this is working, I’ll stick with it. Suggestions, anyone?

Shout out to all my natural sisters who are holding it down and bringing out the curls this/next month, including Wanda and Sophrina. It’s not easy to go through the process and then find a routine that works for you—-it’s like planting a garden–you are so excited about the of the results after all your hard work and feel blessed by what God has given you! If you have any questions about what I wrote here, feel free to post them! Thanks for reading and God bless you!

Blen

*I order my Henna and hibiscus leaves from this young lady–she’s wonderful! She also has a lot of info on her site about Henna. It can be applied to previously colored hair, natural or relaxed hair and won’t damage it at all! http://www.butters-n-bars.com/henna_info.html

**Quick Flax Seed Gel recipe: bring 1/4 cup of whole flaxseeds and 2 cups of water to a boil, when you see the gel come up, strain boiled mixture through a knee-high into a plastic container. If desired, add the essential oils of your choice, (I love lemongrass and peppermint) seal lid and put in fridge overnight to set gel. Gel should be stored in fridge and can last for up to 4 weeks or so. For more details and a neat video, see Naptural85 on YouTube.

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Child, have ya’ heard?~ A lesson on gossip

Hey Family!

Have ya' heard the latest?
There’s a gospel song called “Birds in the Church”. Actually, its a narrative by Rev. Benjamin Cone, Jr. (from Mississippi Mass Choir, I believe) who among other things, tells us how people can be a lot like parrots–freely repeating other people’s business. I  get tickled when I hear it, but there is truth there.

Before I was saved, I could be a little “Willona-ish” (from Good Times) when it came to discussing the happenings of people’s lives. The intent wasn’t malicious, just something to talk about, dissect, and share my “expert opinion” on the matter at hand.

This behavior continued after I got saved….more of a bad habit, I suppose. Then one time I shared something rather personal/serious in confidence with “Thelma” who went back told their family. Mayhap that wouldn’t have been so bad, if Family was offering sound wisdom, but Thelma came back to tell me Family laughed about it. May sound petty to you all, but I was SO hurt that someone would repeat and reduce my concerns to others so casually.

Say what?
Another time, I was involved in a sensitive situation where “JJ” had to get involved. JJ promptly started spreading the news and it got back to me. I politely confronted JJ, letting them know it really wasn’t right getting others involved in a matter intended to stay between selected persons. JJ was VERY apologetic–and it wasn’t done to be mean; just habitual, but hurtful behavior.  With God’s grace, I forgave Thelma and JJ and we’re cool.  I have to say I felt really hurt, embarrassed and betrayed. Through that pain, God showed me how awful it is to idly parrot and betray confidences AND that my idle chatter were NOT Christ-like at ALL! Thankfully,with His help that behavior soon ceased in Jesus name!

In the days since those times, God guides me on who I should talk to about certain things. Luke 2:16-19 tells us the people wondered about what the shepherds told Mary, but she “kept all these things and pondered things in her heart”. There is a valid reason she didn’t share that information with everybody! God also blessed me to be a confidant. People come to me with sensitive information and private challenges, knowing that with the grace of God, I will offer wise council, pray and keep the matter between us. Period.

People have also come to me with other’s business, I have to shut that down with a swift retort like, “I will keep the situation/persons in prayer”, “that’s not my battle to fight–only God can work that out”, or “have you been praying for them?” Talking about someone is not as effective as praying for them. I’m not saying that we can’t talk through someone’s situation to understand things better or help that individual in crisis—we just need to be sensitive to how the Holy Ghost is telling us to handle it so we’re truly walking in the Spirit, rather than the flesh.

Bottom line?  The Bible says we will give an account for every idle word spoken (Matthew 12:36). With God’s help, I’m working to make sure my spiritual balance sheet will indeed crossfoot on both sides. ~Debiting un-Christlike behavior (such as gossip and backbiting) is a credit to allowing God’s Holy Spirit to work.~

God bless you all!

Blen

Parrot Pic: http://www.squidoo.com/parrottalking

Willona Woods pic: http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&biw=1180&bih=514&gbv=2&
tbm=isch&sa=1&q=willona+woods+talking&

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Attention passengers: Can of ugly opened in seat 4c..

A previous post of mine talked about forgiving people who have wronged us, and believe me, I had to and continue to try and be the first partaker of the fruit! When I wrote the post, I was thinking of people close to us like family and friends. The forgiving and attitude check must extend to the “stranger” as well.

Last year, I had to take a trip for work, so I skipped on to the airport, stowed my carry-on bag and took my seat. An older lady boarded after me with her roller board bag, looking for an empty spot in the overhead to stow it. She opened up the area where my bag happened to be and took it out. I see people do this all the time, to shift and make room for all the bags, so no big deal right? WRONG!

“Miss Lady” proceeded to stow her bag, and leave mine in the floor, and take her set behind me, claiming my bag was in her spot!! HELLO????!!!!!!!!!! The seated passengers looked at me in horror, while I blinked in disbelief and scrambled to make an audible sentence. I think I said something like, “I wasn’t aware this was kindergarten where we had assigned spaces, ” to whit another passenger told her, “that isn’t the way things worked”. At that point without realizing it, I actually started praying aloud and asked the Lord to help me to deal with the situation. I thought about the scene that could have ensued had I yelled at her–I’d probably be the one escorted off the plane!

The Lord heard my cry and some of the other passengers aided me to help find a place for my bag and even offered to help me get it after we landed. I looked at her a few times to get a read on her face, but she wouldn’t really look my way. God bless her.

I don’t know what was going on in her head to exhibit such crazed behavior, but let me tell you, the grace of God surrounded my mouth and actions, and to Him I am grateful. I am not confrontational anyway, so getting in someones face is not my style. I will say, I don’t like being mistreated, either, so suffering in silence is not always approps–I’m thinking prayer was the fastest route to the right answer.

Looking back, I know this was an attack of the enemy and the Lord must have been testing my reaction and way of handling the situation in the spirit and not in the flesh. While the Lord blessed me to get through part of the situation successfully, in retrospect, I wished I had talked with her.

When people are depressed, hurting, upset or whatever, they direct their anger at whoever is in the path. Often, we take it personally (sometimes it is personal) but mostly not. As people professing salvation, and knowing Jesus can heal, save and deliver like nothing/no one else, we have to practice letting people know that, rather than sucking out teeth in disgust or laying people out.

Titus 3:3-5 reminds us we ourselves were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lust and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. But after the kindness and love of God our Savior towards us appeared, not by our righteous works, but He saved us according to mercy, by His blood and Holy Ghost. That verse sobered me right up! With God’s grace, I will hide that Word in my heart, so I will dig deeper when something like that happens again.

Bottom line: People of God, when we see someone “acting up”, let’s ask the Lord what the best way is to minister to them. Whether through a quiet prayer, conversation, scripture sharing, a tract (my mom says I should have given her one :-D) or witnessing, in all we do, we want God to be glorified, His name magnified and that enemy horrified!

Love you!

Blen

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Get in your single happy place..

Hey family!

It’s that time of year again where everything is hearts, flowers, candy and couples. Depending on where you are in your single comfort zone, this “holiday” can either be depressing (who wants that?) or a blessing (I’m thinking yes on this)!

You can volunteer at a shelter, rest home, soup kitchen or hang out with your single friends.  Pray for other singles and couples. Babysit or offer eldercare for a couple to be able to get some time together. You reap what you sow! Sow good seeds!!!

The perfect ending to a solo dinner!

If it’s possible, get some good takeout, make a decadent dessert, treat yourself to a massage or buy yourself something pretty! And it doesn’t have to be expensive–personally, I love a great scarf, hat, or any smell-good perfume or bath salt. Of course, if you can squeeze in a pair of shoes, a shiny trinket or a purse–go for it! 🙂

Yes, I know that things don’t bring you happiness or help with the loneliness, heartache, and occasional pain of not having a loved one–I get that. Only Christ’s perfect love can ease the pain of a lonely heart. I am grateful though, that God has blessed me to be in my “happy single place”, and I am FINALLY living as Paul told the  Philippians “….for I have learned, in whatever state I am in to be content” (Philp. 4:11). Being content is a process, and sometimes takes awhile, in part because we don’t want to do things His way {guilty}. Eventually, though, the Lord does get His way, so it really is better for us to yield early and often to shorten the painful process. It’s also best to be about your Father’s business, yielding to His will for your life, and taking care of yourself until the Lord blesses you with a mate, rather than wistfully wishing someone brought you flowers. Hence the suggestions for being busy, or getting your own gift.

Bottom line: When God is ready to reveal my intended to his missing rib (me), with God’s grace, I’ll be ready. Until then and even after the man comes, Jesus will always and forever be my first, true and best love. Period.

God bless you always!

Love you,

Blen

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Forgive-them-not?!!

Hey family,

Hope you all are well! I was thinking about forgiveness and decided to do a quick post.

My pastor, Bishop Larry Elliott often says “unforgiveness” is the number one sin among Christian people. That’s a little surprising, since our salvation was based in God loving us enough to forgive us–but Bishop raises a good point.

When someone wrongs us, as they often do, there’s no doubt that it hurts us–sometimes to the core, especially if it’s family, spouse, kids or close friend. And in many cases, we are JUSTIFIED to be upset with the offending parties. The thing is, though, we ARE NOT JUSTIFIED to have an unforgiving heart, mind and attitude toward them. “But, Blen, he left me high and dry with the baby and no money”, “she stole my man”, “they tricked me”, “teased me”, “broke my heart”, “violated my trust”, “said I wouldn’t be anything”, abused me”….I know, y’all, I get it and understand–they were wrong and you should be hot. Let’s take a look at this from God’s perspective.

Matthew 18:23-35 tells of the servant who owed BIG money to the king, didn’t have it, asked for mercy and his debt was forgiven. That same servant went to his friend and demanded the LITTLE money he was owed and cast the friend into prison. When the king heard, he cast the servant into prison, reminding him he should have given the same forgiveness he received. The Lord goes on to say that if we don’t forgive, we cannot be forgiven.

So by holding folks in the prison of our minds, we are really letting God know that we know better than Him and in essence really trying to supersede His wisdom. On top of that, WE don’t get forgiven. That can make us miss heaven! I know as much as can I mess up and am still growing in grace, I need forgiveness on a regular basis, don’t you? Is being upset with Lu-Lu about mistreating you in high school worth delaying your blessings, negating answers on your prayers, and risking your soul to eternal damnation? I’m checking the “no” box on that.

When someone does hurt you, know that the Lord sees and knows it, and will balance the scales in His time. In the meantime, take the situation to the Lord in prayer, and ask Him to help you forgive the offending parties from your heart, remove any bitter root, and heal you from the hurt and pain that was inflicted on you. This goes for the people that dogged you out years ago, to the cashier that rolled her eyes at you today– whether they asked for forgiveness, apologized or not.

You’ll know you have forgiven the person from the heart when the matter crosses your mind, is brought up, or you see the person and you do not get angry or keep negatively referring to the situation like it happened 2 minutes ago. God’s peace will totally take over and you will feel wonderful and marvel in the spiritual growth as you obey God’s Word.

True forgiveness takes God’s grace and a willing heart that wants to please God, rather than satisfy the flesh. Easy to do? No. But it is necessary to receive the benefits of God’s love and forgiveness.

Bottom line: You can’t change the past, but you can stop living in it.

God’s blessings to you!

Love,

Blen

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