I was talking to my “sista” Tabitha after we saw For Colored Girls last week. I won’t talk about that on this particular post, since not everyone has seen it yet, but one of her profound observations was “we give men a lot of power”, to which I agreed, noting that verb, “give”. Out of that conversation grew another one, which she suggested was worth a post (thanks, Tabitha).
Many years ago, I read a book called “The Rules” (Fein and Schneider, Warner Books, 1995), which basically encourage a woman to lead an exciting and fulfilling life outside romance. Hmm…We talked about that in the last post ,didn’t we? Anyway, one of The Rules (#6) says, when a guy calls you (and he should be calling you, mind you) is that you should end the call first, AND after ten minutes, no matter how good the conversation is! (What, what?!)
The reason the female authors give is that women talk too much and often reveal too much about themselves too early on in the dating process. By ending the call quickly, you avoid being a chatterbox on a skateboard and add some mystery to yourself. Either the guy will want to get to know you better, thus making the effort himself or just not care and eventually move on. The latter stings, but at least you know how he is before your heart gets too involved. Ultimately, you are not giving a guy control all willy-nilly in the beginning of the “getting-to-know-you” stage.
I have to say I bristled at this mindset a little, I mean, isn’t this game playing? And who doesn’t like a good conversation? But on the other hand, as Tabitha and I talked about, by giving the reins over right away, we sometimes get played. Think about it, when you first meet a guy and he calls, we are turning that purse upside-down to answer or return the call quickly, no matter how busy we are. But, if you call him and he’s busy, he likely will not be digging all through is pocket to get the phone–he’ll check you later and at his convenience. And when he does call, if he’s has something to do, he has no issue ending the call and going about his business. Hmmmm….
While this book was not written from a Christian perspective, we know there is something to letting the man to the chasing. As Proverbs reminds us, he that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). If you are looking for something, you have to do some work right? If he isn’t willing to “put the time in” then he shouldn’t get the”pay”, (meaning the pleasure of your company), right? By setting things up now, are we keeping some of that power we give away so easily? Why do we give so much of ourselves away without thinking? Are we worried that he won’t like us as much? But haven’t we had the unfortunate experience of giving away all our power too soon in the name of making him happy, only to be hurt later on?
As I was typing this post, I thought that rule was a little on the monkeyshine side, but in retrospect, these ladies may have something…