Christian conduct, Encouragement, Series & specials, Stay on the wall, Sticky subject
Comments 4

“He did what?! “Well, what where YOU wearing?”

Hey there BCU Family,

As usual, you have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH.

WARNING: This subject matter of sexual assault is a highly sensitive, yet needful to discuss topic. The angle presented here is just one of several ways we can and should open up dialogue and work toward solving the problem with God’s help for without Him, we can do NOTHING. If you have been the victim of any inappropriate behavior, we are praying for you. Please reach out to us at Blen@BlenCouragesU.com if you’d like further counseling and prayer. We pray the post blesses you. If so, please leave a comment! Thank you and may God bless you.

I usually refrain from commenting on most current events–mostly to keep a guard over my mouth as Psalm 141:3 says. In light of the recent and alleged sexual misconduct cases with so many high-profile men, it brings a few thoughts to mind.

Tina*, a quiet, but smart third-grader was heading back to class from the bathroom when she sees Danny, a very tall and popular 4th or 5th grader coming toward her.  As they met up in the hallway, Tina greeted him with a smile and cheery hello. Danny responded by blocking Tina’s access to get by and shoving her into a nearby open custodial closet where his hands were in places they should never have been. Tina, confused and scared, confided in an older student who replied, “well, what were you doing down there anyway?” Shamed, Tina didn’t ever report the incident. It still lingers in her mind.

Lala* started developing early–around age 10-11. Paulie, a scary, bully-type guy, would discreetly touch her in passing in the hallway remarking about how well she was growing.  Lala’s mom talked about how certain women were predators and liked to take people’s men away. They wore clothing that was revealing and that asked for trouble. Lala didn’t know what to do, so she did nothing. Thankfully Paulie moved away the next school year. She was always confused about how to deal properly with men.

Young Mona* landed a great job with awesome pay, benefits and a wonderful working environment. Mona came back from lunch one day and before she sat down to settle in, started to check her voice messages. As she stood listening to the messages and went to have a seat, she jumped up and turned around, only to see Mark, an executive sitting in her chair, smirking. In telling her story, it wasn’t the first time Mark had harassed someone–it even went to HR, but no one believed the women. Surprised?

*Loo went out on a dinner-date with an “official”. Since the date was going well, Official wanted to extend the time together with a trip to the movies, to which Loo thought was great. Partially through the movie, Loo thought Official accidentally brushed up against her–until it happened repeatedly. Loo addressed it, to which Official replied, “I’ll try and stop, but I can’t promise anything.” Sigh.

BCU Family, I tell these true stories (with permission, and *name changes of course), to illustrate a point.

From where I sit, most boys have this God-given aggressive nature and natural leadership capability which is GREAT! The thing is, they may not be taught HOW and WHEN to be aggressive. Yes, go hard when you are playing a sport or learning a task–those qualities help make men the amazing leaders God called them to be. At the same time, it’s important for men to be taught exercise self-control, proper restraint, respect and an understanding of the word “no”. And if the “no” boundaries are crossed, consequences must be swift and memorable,  versus a “boys will be boys” mindset (which is completely unscriptural–God holds anyone who does wrong accountable. Period.)

Yes, there are women who are beautiful, mesmerizing, enticing, tempting and may even go after you. Solomon warns against that in Proverbs 6  (note, the book of Proverbs is for everyday living for everyone, not ONLY those who know the Lord).

Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?

Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? (Proverbs 6:25,27-28). 

As these stories unfold in the news,  we are witnessing that lust and lack of self-restraint will eventually “burn” the aggressor, either in this life, and, if repentance and salvation is not chosen, that burn will be for eternity in the life to come.  While women DO have a responsibility to be chaste, and in many (not all) cases, are taught properly, who exactly is teaching the men to control themselves?

Who is warning the men of the dangers of lust, that when it’s finished, it brings sin and death? (James 1:15).

Why is it that a women brings up inappropriate behavior, her past is questioned?

Why ask about her choice of clothing? Is it really okay to grope or assault someone just because they are wearing a skirt? Pants?  Or because she’s “well-developed?” She’s the last person leaving the room and man sees this as his opportunity?  Are those the signals she’s “asking for it?”

Why do we say, “what was she doing in the public break room getting coffee when the man walked in? Didn’t you know his reputation?  Sense something? Why  didn’t you run?”

Why is it women don’t report assault right away?

Why are women made to feel ashamed and at fault?

Why do women keep silent?

These are questions that need answers, problems that need solutions and teaching that needs students, BCU Fam. These conversations and reinforcement need to be had at home, on the playgrounds, in the barbershops, in social media and yes, in our churches. Especially in our churches.

I John 2:16 reminds us that all lust will be ever present in the world.

That doesn’t mean we have to obey it.

Bottom line: Lust is not a skin problem, rather a sin problem that Jesus is equipped to handle.  We need only to  trade our fleshly desires for His precious Holy Spirit and His way of living our lives, which would be perfect, including tests and trials yet absent of the desire to practice the very sins that result in hurting others and damaging their lives, as well as the private/public shame, humiliation and punishment that both the victim and predator live with.

Why aren’t we talking about this?

From what I read, 1 in 4 women have been the victim of assault/inappropriate behavior. That’s a large population of people who may be walking around broken on the inside.

Why aren’t we talking about this?

What are your thoughts around this sensitive topic? Let’s continue our conversation in the comments section below.

As a reminder, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and now YouTube! You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!

Love,

BCU

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4 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for shedding light on this very important and highly sensitive topic. I heaved a sigh of relief reading it. We need more of these out in the world.

    I remember speaking with a friend recently and I told her that at the rate things are going, there will be more men who are a liability rather than the leaders and honorable ones God wanted them to be.

    Coming from an African context, there’s the running joke(very sad too) that girls are trained and boys are left to roam(basically, boys will be boys).

    But we forget that teaching a child what is right or wrong is not the sole presence of girls. Boys need to learn too. They need to know that somethings are unacceptable.

    As a child, I used to think the Bible principles for boys on issues of sexuality was different. It was almost like boys were encouraged to sow their “wild oats” while the girls were made to remain chaste, cover up and be virgins.

    Thank God I read my Bible and grew in my relationship with God. The sad truth is that the recent cases of sexual harassment point to a decay in our culture(and to some extent, religion). The idea that one gender is allowed to do certain things or not be held responsible for their actions is certainly not biblical.

    Another thing that breaks my heart is the Blame Game
    I once listened to a rape victim narrate her story. She said after she fled her abuser, she went to her pastor, a woman and rather than help, she was questioned as to why she went to the area and why she dressed in a particular fashion. This was traumatic and she couldn’t tell anyone else the story, lest she be blamed and shamed.

    We need to do more. We need to speak, we need to love and we definitely need to support survivors

    Like

    • Ladies and gentlemen, Chioma is IN THE BUILDING!!!! And I quote, “remember speaking with a friend recently and I told her that at the rate things are going, there will be more men who are a liability rather than the leaders and honorable ones God wanted them to be”.

      See, BCU Fam, this aggressiveness and harassment is not limited to one culture or ethnicity. How do we ensure men are leaders vs liabilities? Who’s in charge here?

      And I agree, Chioma, this blaming the victim is just as unbiblical as the wild oats idea. I’m seriously praying about how to TANGIBLY support the victims in some way, with God’s help.

      Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment and commitment to love on and support survivors!

      xoxoxo

      BCU

      Like

    • Hey Kenya!

      God be glorified—thank you for the kind comment! Let me know if you have any issues printing and we’ll get you all hooked up.

      Love you and thanks for stopping by!

      Like

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