Far above rubies…

http://www.rocas.com.mt/cRubies.html

Hey ladies (and gents that have sneaked a peek–it’s ok :-D),

I have yet another question roaming around in my head courtesy of a conversation some good friends and I had regarding relationship conduct.

As women of God and believers in His Word, Proverbs 18:22 says: “whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour of the LORD”. In the process of him finding and “courting” us, how much pursuing do we let him do? And as a follow-up question, how “easy” do we make the pursuit for him?

For example, we were discussing courtship, and one of my friends said she would not be driving to or meeting any man halfway to make it easier for him to see her—he needed to make that sacrifice. She cited a couple who during their courtship, the young man drove from PA to OH, (I believe) every weekend without fail (and it was quite the distance). The other friend agreed, but was thinking once a couple is in the relationship, it was ok to take turns on who was driving to meet whom.

I understand the latter view about taking turns later, but I think it’s important to have the foundation laid that dude needs to do the pursuing–he needs to work to get you! Before you pooh-pooh my view, think about a relationship you were in (or know of someone) where you did a lot of the work..you calling him INITIALLY and ALL the time, driving him around INITIALLY and ALL the time, paying for dates INITIALLY and ALL the time, (ok..you get it) paying your half of the bill, meeting him on his terms, doing what he wanted….it was probably good at first, but you got tired of that likely and so did he. Now, I’m not saying to be spoiled and have everything your way, but if you make things too easy for a guy too early, he gets used to that treatment and subsequently will conform accordingly. So when he doesn’t want to pick you up, take you out, or pay for a meal–you wonder why? You spoiled him. Hey, why should he spend his money at “The Chicken Coop” when you can buy the chicken, season it, prepare all the fixins and watch TV on your couch? (I speak from experience, ladies). Trust me, after awhile, when date night comes up and you are expecting special, you’ll be as hot as a firecracker on July 4th when he calls talking about, “Boo, so tonight, why don’t you make that real good spaghetti you cook?–Matlock is on at 8pm. Be right over!” 🙂

Ladies, while preparing a meal, being cost-conscious, or doing something special for someone you like is not a crime, again the timing is crucial. Think about the way God made men– they have a special drive and determination–they play football, practice to be the best at something raid corporations, participate in extreme sports, etc., because they like a challenge. Anything that comes too easy to a man is just a trinket to be tossed aside when it’s no longer “shiny and new”. We are NOT trinkets! Proverbs 31:10 says, “who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” That’s why we have to wait to be found AND not be so anxious to please him that we “trinket-ise” ourselves. Any item that’s far above rubies is going to cost (I don’t mean just monetarily) and require some work!

It’s been said the sweetest fruit is at the top of the tree. Anybody can pick fruit of the low-lying branches! Let him work–climb the tree to get that fruit! Yes, you know how to open your car door and put on your own jacket– but it’s okay for him to do it! If he is too spoiled and lazy to work to get you, he won’t work to keep you!

As we prepare for God to bless us, let us pray for wisdom to govern ourselves accordingly when it comes to that special someone so we are not cold and aloof, but yet not too yielding in our efforts. Better yet, let’s rely on God (and wise council) to give us instructions on how to be the virtuous woman He put in all of us!

Love you!

~Blen

BlenCouragesU12 Comments

Growing up….

I'm a big(ger) kid now...

Hi all,

Remember when you were a kid and your parent’s friends remarked how big you were getting and the excitement you felt about growing up? I feel the same way about growing up spiritually!
Today’s growth-spurt moment about ridding yourself of poor self-esteem. While it’s not a pleasant or willing topic of discussion, I will admit it’s been an issue with me (and many other women) at one time or another, but I know God has delivered me and can do the same for you!

In the aftermath of failed relationships, broken hearts, and the single life, the enemy can sometimes mess with your head and have you questioning what’s wrong with you. We look at other women– skinnier, prettier, better hair, more talented, successful, et cetera and so on. Eventually, these thoughts can take root and grow into weeds of negativity, sadness, bitterness, anger and depression. This “stinkin’ thinkin'” can drive others away from you, hold up your blessings, and get you to sin against God by constant murmuring and complaining. Any witnesses in the house?

A dear friend and I went shopping a bit ago and in the dressing room, I was subjected to the nefarious three-way mirror (yep–I wasn’t happy with the image at all). As I lamented about the unflattering frocks, she went and found me a couple of dresses that really complimented my skin tone and “non-size 2” body-type. She then proceeded to sincerely tell me how beautiful I looked and for the first time in a LONG time, I believed it. A few days later, a woman I were chatting at the hairdresser and she complemented me on my eyes. I usually just notice how tired they look! But at a closer glance, I could see God’s handiwork. As I’m typing, the Lord just reminded me a young brother mentioned how much he enjoyed my Sunday School class a few weeks back. Last week, someone mentioned a note of encouragement they kept that I wrote them two years ago! Wow–I’m not so bad after all! 🙂

Mind you, I don’t say this in a spirit of ego, conceit or to get glory in any way–rather, God be glorified because He showed me I have nothing to hang my head about. Yes, my self-esteem took a big ol’ whupping–I just kept rewinding the “what’s-wrong-with-me” track. But Paul’s advises us that whatsoever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtue and praise to think on THOSE things (Philippians 4:8). David also reminded me to praise God– for I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14 a).

While God has not called us to be all about ourselves, I do believe we should give Him thanks for how He made us! Yes, there might be a little extra meat on the bones, but go on and appropriately dress up that temple–work with what you have! Give thanks to God for the use and activity of our bodies, the ability to think/reason, and the talents/gifts He’s blessed us with— and use ALL of that to His glory with NO shame! We don’t need to hang out at home in fuzzy slippers and a carton of Ben and Jerry’s every weekend! We can go out with the girls and have a wonderful, wholesome time in the Lord! We can go to visit the sick, feed the homeless, babysit for a single mom, help someone shop, volunteer at a hospital, cook for a family–the possibilities are endless.

If we are busy for Christ, we have less idle time to entertain those negative thoughts. Another benefit is that we are possibly being prepared for the person God has in store for us, if it is His will. Think about it– was Ruth picking out her flaws, all long-faced and waiting idly for Boaz to come by? I should say not! Boaz noticed her working hard to take care of mother-in-law (Ruth 2:11) and eventually married her.

Bottom line? We all have things we don’t like about ourselves…myself included! Some we can change, other things we can’t. Let’s ask God to help us make peace with the permanent, bless us to work on the alterable and do what He called us to do in the process–I’m thinking we will be blessed in more ways than one!

Please share your thoughts….

~Blen

BlenCouragesU2 Comments

Love on the dot com?

Click here for love(?)

Hi there ladies!

I picked up a WONDERFUL book last week entitled  The Young Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones.  This is a practical, scripturally based book of encouragement for women of ANY age who are awaiting the Lord to bless them with a husband, if that is His will. I plan to highlight some of the teachable points I received in future posts, but overall the book urged women to stop sitting around and do what God has called them to do while waiting!   One thing the book emphasized was not to go looking for a mate. We know what the Solomon said, “he that finds a wife, finds a good thing” (Proverbs 18:22 a).  So where do Internet matchmaking sites fit in?

I have a friend who confesses Christ, (yes a friend–this is not me :-)) I’ll call Lola. Lola tired of wading in the shallow in the dating pool and made a splash by hooking up with a dating site. In exchange for an ex-amount of  monthly dollars, a detailed profile and some time, she met a men that matched her personality, lifestyle, etc., and they dated for a while. Lola pretty much felt he was “the one”. Eventually the “sunshine and lollypop part” of the relationship faded, as Lola realized he wasn’t the person she thought (and he probably felt the same way).

My questions: (And I am not condemning… just trying to get an understanding and create dialogue) are we really waiting to “be found” when we sign up or even peruse Internet dating sites? Or are they “the new way” to date?

Are we trusting God to provide a husband the old-fashioned way, (a chance meeting in the grocery store aisle) or do we need to “put ourselves out there” by using these sites? Should we be “paying” for the blessings of God by signing up to “hubbynow.com”?

What about the examples of Ruth (Ruth 2-4) and Rebekah (Genesis 24)? Yes, there was no Internet back then, but is there something to be said of how God blessed them with mates?

I have to say, as tech-nerdy as I am, I’m old-school on this subject. After a LONG time of God working on me, I believe that He will set up the divine meeting His way and in His time. It seemed that anytime I “placed” myself somewhere or went with the hopes of “him” being at the gathering, I was disappointed. The Lord finally got me to the mindset of going places to be a blessing to people, and not look for a blessing.  Easy all the time? No. But keeping my heart from unneeded heartache is worth it.

I would love to hear your thoughts….

~Blen

BlenCouragesU8 Comments