Christian conduct, Christianity, Cyber love, Singles chalk board, Stay on the wall, Take care
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Love on the dot com?

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Hi there ladies!

I picked up a WONDERFUL book last week entitled  The Young Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones.  This is a practical, scripturally based book of encouragement for women of ANY age who are awaiting the Lord to bless them with a husband, if that is His will. I plan to highlight some of the teachable points I received in future posts, but overall the book urged women to stop sitting around and do what God has called them to do while waiting!   One thing the book emphasized was not to go looking for a mate. We know what the Solomon said, “he that finds a wife, finds a good thing” (Proverbs 18:22 a).  So where do Internet matchmaking sites fit in?

I have a friend who confesses Christ, (yes a friend–this is not me :-)) I’ll call Lola. Lola tired of wading in the shallow in the dating pool and made a splash by hooking up with a dating site. In exchange for an ex-amount of  monthly dollars, a detailed profile and some time, she met a men that matched her personality, lifestyle, etc., and they dated for a while. Lola pretty much felt he was “the one”. Eventually the “sunshine and lollypop part” of the relationship faded, as Lola realized he wasn’t the person she thought (and he probably felt the same way).

My questions: (And I am not condemning… just trying to get an understanding and create dialogue) are we really waiting to “be found” when we sign up or even peruse Internet dating sites? Or are they “the new way” to date?

Are we trusting God to provide a husband the old-fashioned way, (a chance meeting in the grocery store aisle) or do we need to “put ourselves out there” by using these sites? Should we be “paying” for the blessings of God by signing up to “hubbynow.com”?

What about the examples of Ruth (Ruth 2-4) and Rebekah (Genesis 24)? Yes, there was no Internet back then, but is there something to be said of how God blessed them with mates?

I have to say, as tech-nerdy as I am, I’m old-school on this subject. After a LONG time of God working on me, I believe that He will set up the divine meeting His way and in His time. It seemed that anytime I “placed” myself somewhere or went with the hopes of “him” being at the gathering, I was disappointed. The Lord finally got me to the mindset of going places to be a blessing to people, and not look for a blessing.  Easy all the time? No. But keeping my heart from unneeded heartache is worth it.

I would love to hear your thoughts….

~Blen

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8 Comments

  1. Wanda says

    Cool! did you finish the book already? I will have to check the book out. I just started T.D. Jakes’ God’s Promises for the Single Woman last night before bed. I will be restarting it because in just the first few pages, I had to break out my highlighter for a couple of passages. I’ll update and share what I’m learning out of it.

    I am in agreement with you on the dot.com dating thing. It has been suggested to me before, but I won’t go to that extreme. I just think that the person who is on that site could be anyone…ANYONE once you meet them. I will just sit still and let the Lord arrange a meeting between me and the person who is to be my spouse. Forget E-harmony, I’ll trust JCHG harmony!

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    • blenblogs says

      Hi Wanda!

      I finished the book, but it was so good to me I had to get to the end. NOW I plan to highlight some passages and hopefully discuss them here. I am also anxious for you to share what you get out of Bishop Jakes’ book. Between us, some folks are about to be blessed in here! 😀

      And yes…I’m checking the “no” box on the dotcom dating unless the Lord TOTALLY tells me something else (not likely). I won’t knock it for the people who it’s worked for. I just want Him to choose–then I know it will be perfect!

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  2. Portia says

    Hi Blen,

    Before the Lord saved me I put myself out there. I used to be on a free match making website. Although it was exciting at first the reality was I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I had / have a lot of growing to do. I believe the waiting period is to clean us up and make us into who God wants us to be.

    Do you remember when we had that blended brotherhood/ sisterhood meeting and one of the brothers mentioned that they like the chase. I believe its true. When a guy doesn’t have to go searching they get board and move onto something they can conquer.

    Some women don’t know who they are yet and they want to be in a relationship. How can you tell a man you love him when you don’t know and love yourself?

    We are to be complete without a man first, then if the Lord wills it we can have a mate.

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    • blenblogs says

      Hi Portia!

      Thanks for stopping by! I LOVE what you said about the waiting period being for God to clean us up! Additionally, God could be cleaning him up as well! (I got that from the book (The Young Lady in Waiting by Kendall and Jones).

      AND ^5 on the men wanting to “chase” the women. Let’s look at it–they play sports, raid corporations—they are hardwired by God to “conquer”. If anything comes too easily, it’s normally tossed to the side like a sandwich wrapper! If we’re busy when they are looking, they will have to chase us! LOL!!

      As far as loving and knowing yourself, I read another book by Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend called “Boundaries in Dating” that mentions taking the time to do that through prayer, reading the Word and some other ways which I’ll save for another post. (Thanks to Tabitha and Constance Smith for the book recommendation).

      Great thoughts, Portia!

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  3. Tamisha says

    Hello everyone.. Blenda, I just LOVE this topic! So much, my co-workers and I had a discussion before sending this reply.

    I am going to be honest, I personally have met a few people on “dating” sites but not for the purpose of meeting my “husband”, soul-mate or what have you. These contacts I have were made more so for networking, conversation. Now I know a lot of men/women who use these sites in the hopes of meeting Mr./Mrs. Right, but in all it has never been for me. I would rather wait on the LORD and be blessed with whom he has for me.

    Is the internet the new way to date? For some it may be. There seems to be a certain “control” feeling people have when using the internet. You can always skip, pass, ignore or reject with the click of a button. But meeting face to face is personal and for some that can be scary.

    And Portia, I totally agree with your statement that “some women don’t know who they are yet and they want to be in a relationship. How can you tell a man you love him when you don’t know and love yourself?” Although I LOVE MYSELF SOME ME, (lol) I would like to be in a relationship, but don’t think I am fully ready to committ yet. I have been single for a few years now and still have some selfish qualities that I am working on. Just being real..

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    • blenblogs says

      Hi Tamisha!

      YAY! I’m chuffed the co-workers got in on the discussion! And I LOVE your honesty, chicka! I see what you mean about meeting for fun. I read a Christian based book not too long ago called, Boundaries in Dating by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend (thanks to Tabitha and Constance Smith for the recommendation) that talked about “casual” dating, where you just see what you like, what you don’t and in the process make a friend (who could lead you to Mr. Right) or possibly lead someone to Christ. While the thought is controversial to some, I could see some value in what they said. I’m hoping to talk about that more in a future post.

      Back in the day before the Internet was all the rage, I did the personal ads (ok, I’m really not 108 years old, although that statement sounded like it! LOL)! It was a fun way to meet people, but in my experience most of them (not all) were looking for a “hay-roll”. Eventually I just gave it up.

      I’m high-fiving you on knowing you are not ready to commit. I HEAR you. As a (hand over mouth)-old single woman, (lol) it’s hard to become “pliable” when you are used to doing things a certain way. For example, I DO NOT plan to bust out a pan tonight. I’m cool with the leftovers in the fridge, a Lean Cuisine in the “icebox” or the Kashi cereal on the shelf! Being married may mean I have to cook daily–I may even want to cook (jeepers)! But I have to consider my mate and not just how I feel. So I’m probably selfish in some ways, also, as we all may be. It’s a blessing to recognize that, my sister. I believe as God blesses us with the right person, we won’t mind sacrificing for the man as he won’t mind doing it for us.

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  4. Tricia says

    I am just now reading this post, my how time flies. This was posted in 2010??? where was I? lol Ok so I have been on sites and Im telling you it can be very discouraging. I just deleted 2 of them cause I was just so fed up by the conversation they offered. I think its good like the prior posts stated that you can skip and reject whoever you want but, its scarce out there online and offline. lol

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  5. Hey Tricia! It is SO good to see you! That’s ok…it’s still relevant! LOLOLOLOL!! Yea….I never got into the online thing and I think I met one couple it’s worked for–they were newlyweds. I wonder how they are doing now.
    In some regards (not every case, of course, I think that you can be Dr. Jeckyll online and then turn out to be Mr./ Ms Hyde in person! LOL! And you are right–it’s scarce, but I believe God has that in control. Just gotta be patient and enjoy the wait with God’s help!

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