Hey all,
I have an acquaintance we’ll call “Jamie” who I thank God for. Jamie has a penchant for being very talkative to the point where 1) you can’t get a word in edgewise 2) the conversations are not always fruitful (sometimes laced with complaints and backbiting) and 3) “mindless chatter”, all of which I have a low tolerance for. Jamie is very nice and will share the last Ring Ding with you, but man, is a Ring Ding worth that mouth?
While I will fraternize with Jamie when I need to, it’s not something I want to do. In fact, I try and avoid Jamie at as much as possible, fearing I’ll get into a long conversation, or say something (nicely, of course) that will hurt the uber sensitive feelings of this individual and lose my Christian witness.
So Jamie left me a message recently–apparently a question was looming that only I could answer. In a matter of seconds, my attitude changed from happy to irritation and anger because there was no way to avoid talking to this person. My mind raced wildly–what now? Didn’t I take care of a situation we had last week? Is this question going to lead to a verbal bashing of a friend? Should I schedule our conversation in between appointments—that way I could limit my time talking? Then, I started practice responses to possible questions that could come up—- RARRRRRRRR!! (arms flailing)
While I was ranting in my car, the Lord invited me to talk to Him about it. Rather than let anxiety take over, as Philippians 4:6 reminded me, it was better that I make my requests known before God in prayer, supplication and with thanksgiving, so that God’s peace would keep my heart and mind.
In talking this through with God, the bottom line was FEAR! I was letting FEAR make me crazy before I even knew what the situation was. Also, I was running (related to fear) from this thing like it was a six-foot bear, when with God on my side, it was a plastic poodle! On top of it, I was tired of being afraid!
As a Holy Ghost filled woman, I have Christ on my side, and whatever the conversation was, I needed to be ready to tell the person with seasoned speech if what was being said was not agreeing with me or I needed to get going. I also needed to quit worrying (a by- product of fear) about hurting feelings in lieu of pleasing God. The Word says, open rebuke is better than secret love, (Proverbs 27:5) and as long as my speech was seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6), God would be pleased. In the final analysis, pleasing God is really the only thing that matters. The peace that came over me was AMAZING!! I felt armed and ready to deal with Jamie or any other potentially sticky situation.
It turns out that a couple of emails answered Jamie’s questions and with God’s grace and help, I’ll be better equipped to deal with a confrontation when needed with NO FEAR! Sure, tackling an unpleasant issue is uncomfortable and unnerving. BUT if you have the Holy Ghost there’s no need to be afraid–God’s got our back!
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (II Timothy 1:7)
Be blessed and fear-free!!
Blen
Pic courtesy of: http://www.bcdb.com/cartoon_pictures/3141-Fraidy_Cat.html
BCU 
This was right on time for me. I let fear stop me from so much to the point I rather do nothing. Thanks for sharing this and for the Word of God to handle Fear.
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Hi Tanya!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!!! I know how paralyzing fear can be, especially once you’ve been “burned” in certain areas. But the Lord is reminding us through His word that fear doesn’t come from Him, so we have to push past it with His help. It’s a little “scary” kick the fear habit, but I’m excited to see what God is going to do!
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Hey Sis.. ladies and Gents..
This post sure came right on time! So before I go into a scenario or give my thoughts, I have a question. Do you find that speaking with “open rebuke seasoned with salt” (or a better choice of words) finds you in situations where you are considered mean, unapproachable or crass?
Although I have never let “fear” stop me from doing or saying what I felt needed to be said, I have noticed recently that I have been more “cautious” of the way I may says things and to whom I may say them too. I have even had to call on the holy ghost to help me in a few situations (lol) but I totally understand what you went thru Blenda. Reading the above extended my understanding, and gave me a few bible references to lean on as well. Thanks again.. (and let me know what you think about my question)
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Hi Tamisha!
Thanks for your comment and question! Of course I have a complicated answer! LOL!!!
I regularly come in contact with people that “tell it like it is”, without regard to HOW they are saying it or considering that feelings could be hurt. While I agree the truth needs to be told and no matter how you say certain things feelings will be hurt, the Lord is teaching me that there’s a way we should talk. My issue is I err on the side of uber niceness and then get fed up of the foolishness and either shut down (and am upset with myself for not speaking up), or get very direct without thinking or really praying. Then I have to repent for letting my anger get the better of me and it makes me feel horrible when I mess up like that.
Regarding your question, getting back to the direct speakers, while they mean well, and will tell you the truth straight up, the ones I know have been labled as mean, unapproachable, not easy to talk to etc., because the spirit behind the truth was not of God. Those are titles I don’t want, nor do I think true believers should aspire to. I WANT to be the person that someone can say, “sure, you can talk to Blenda about such and such. She may not agree with you, but will tell you the truth in a spirit of love”.
I like what you said, Tamisha about being cautious and calling on the Holy Ghost for help. That’s always our best bet–anything that comes out of the flesh (or I’ve heard it pronounced “flush”–LOL) is going to get us into big dog trouble! As we model Christ, we want to be like Him in all ways, so He can say “well done, thou good and faithful servant–enter into the joy of the Lord.”
I hope this helps…let me know!
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Blenda,
Your answer was not complicated, it was truthful and correct! I asked that question because I was that person (years ago) who would tell it like it was, regardless of how it came out and how it was received and didn’t care if you liked it one bit! You asked, I answered and that was it. I would justify my “crassness” because at times it was needed to get the point across. They day all that changed was when my then 4 year old daughter said to me, “Mommy, that was not nice. What would Jesus say”… Shut me up quick..lol. But you are correct, as much as people count on me to counsel or just to listen, I want to respond in the spirit of love and truth, instead of anger and frustration.
So yes, your response helped (as always). Sorry to get off topic but I just had to ask.. Love ya girl!
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LOLOL!!! It’s amazing how Christ can even speak through our kids! LOLOLOL!! I hear you about the “direct” route–and praise God for showing you a better way. I can snap off myself, so I really have to rely on Christ to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath! (James 1:19). Pray for me, girl. Jamie and I will be working on a project together soon! 🙂
You make a good point with not responding on anger and frustration. How many times have we had a problem and someone responded to us in that spirit? I know it “pulled the wheels of my tricycle” LOL!! But for real, though, it made me shut down and not talk to those people about anything else. But you know in retrospect, I praise God for the people that mistreated me–it blessed me to become more aware of my speech and how I treat people. All things work together for the good… (Romans 8:28)
Thanks again for your insight and comments!
Love ya!!!!
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