Singles Chalkboard – Page 9

Count your blessings…

Hey there family,

Yes…it’s Thanksgiving! A day for food, football, friends and family! And while that’s true, the holiday season often sparks feelings of loneliness, longing and mindless complaining sometimes.

Recently, I was talking to a friend who was lamenting about how he didn’t have any family at all–his parents are deceased and he is estranged from his only sibling. I joined in and to say that most all my friends/family are married and it sometimes saddens me when I see the couples go home arm in arm while I roll alone. For a minute, I think we may have been in competition for who had the saddest story! A word from Jesus pumped my brakes on the complaining!

While these sad moments are REAL and we should talk to someone about what is bothering us, the Lord reminded me how truly blessed we are! In the midst of naming what we do not have and want, we really need to turn that around and name what God has given us and we will find the latter will outweigh the former.

I’m grateful to God for salvation, life, health, work, education, strength, family, friends, a roof overhead, raiment, freedom, the ability to think, reason, work, move, see, hear—and although I am single, I thank God that by His grace, I am not in a relationship where I am miserable, depressed or abused. And for those who are lacking, I thank God for the ability to pray, intercede and help where I can! I could fill pages with some of the other things, areas and blessings where I KNOW the hand of God worked on my behalf. Start counting your blessings and you will see you have a similar testimony! God is really GOOD, isn’t He?

So on this special Thanksgiving Day and everyday, try and recall what Lamentations 3:22-23 says: “It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is His faithfulness.”

Great is His faithfulness, great is our thankfulness.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend and God bless you!

~Blen

pic courtesy of: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.product-reviews.net/wp-content/userimages/2008/01/count-your-blessings-with-the-blessings-jar.jpg

25 Nov 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesU4 Comments

“Fraidy cat” no longer!

Hey all,

I “wrassled” with something recently and I thought I’d “share with the class”. Maybe someone has a similar issue..

I have an acquaintance we’ll call “Jamie” who I thank God for. Jamie has a penchant for being very talkative to the point where 1) you can’t get a word in edgewise 2) the conversations are not always fruitful (sometimes laced with complaints and backbiting) and 3) “mindless chatter”, all of which I have a low tolerance for. Jamie is very nice and will share the last Ring Ding with you, but man, is a Ring Ding worth that mouth?

While I will fraternize with Jamie when I need to, it’s not something I want to do. In fact, I try and avoid Jamie at as much as possible, fearing I’ll get into a long conversation, or say something (nicely, of course) that will hurt the uber sensitive feelings of this individual and lose my Christian witness.

So Jamie left me a message recently–apparently a question was looming that only I could answer. In a matter of seconds, my attitude changed from happy to irritation and anger because there was no way to avoid talking to this person. My mind raced wildly–what now? Didn’t I take care of a situation we had last week? Is this question going to lead to a verbal bashing of a friend? Should I schedule our conversation in between appointments—that way I could limit my time talking? Then, I started practice responses to possible questions that could come up—- RARRRRRRRR!! (arms flailing)

While I was ranting in my car, the Lord invited me to talk to Him about it. Rather than let anxiety take over, as Philippians 4:6 reminded me, it was better that I make my requests known before God in prayer, supplication and with thanksgiving, so that God’s peace would keep my heart and mind.

In talking this through with God, the bottom line was FEAR! I was letting FEAR make me crazy before I even knew what the situation was. Also, I was running (related to fear) from this thing like it was a six-foot bear, when with God on my side, it was a plastic poodle! On top of it, I was tired of being afraid!

As a Holy Ghost filled woman, I have Christ on my side, and whatever the conversation was, I needed to be ready to tell the person with seasoned speech if what was being said was not agreeing with me or I needed to get going. I also needed to quit worrying (a by- product of fear) about hurting feelings in lieu of pleasing God. The Word says, open rebuke is better than secret love, (Proverbs 27:5) and as long as my speech was seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6), God would be pleased. In the final analysis, pleasing God is really the only thing that matters. The peace that came over me was AMAZING!! I felt armed and ready to deal with Jamie or any other potentially sticky situation.

It turns out that a couple of emails answered Jamie’s questions and with God’s grace and help, I’ll be better equipped to deal with a confrontation when needed with NO FEAR! Sure, tackling an unpleasant issue is uncomfortable and unnerving. BUT if you have the Holy Ghost there’s no need to be afraid–God’s got our back!

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (II Timothy 1:7)

Be blessed and fear-free!!

Blen

Pic courtesy of: http://www.bcdb.com/cartoon_pictures/3141-Fraidy_Cat.html

16 Nov 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesU6 Comments

Transfer of power…

Hi all!
I was talking to my “sista” Tabitha after we saw For Colored Girls last week. I won’t talk about that on this particular post, since not everyone has seen it yet, but one of her profound observations was “we give men a lot of power”, to which I agreed, noting that verb, “give”. Out of that conversation grew another one, which she suggested was worth a post (thanks, Tabitha).

Many years ago, I read a book called “The Rules” (Fein and Schneider, Warner Books, 1995), which basically encourage a woman to lead an exciting and fulfilling life outside romance. Hmm…We talked about that in the last post ,didn’t we? Anyway, one of The Rules (#6) says, when a guy calls you (and he should be calling you, mind you) is that you should end the call first, AND after ten minutes, no matter how good the conversation is! (What, what?!)

The reason the female authors give is that women talk too much and often reveal too much about themselves too early on in the dating process. By ending the call quickly, you avoid being a chatterbox on a skateboard and add some mystery to yourself. Either the guy will want to get to know you better, thus making the effort himself or just not care and eventually move on. The latter stings, but at least you know how he is before your heart gets too involved. Ultimately, you are not giving a guy control all willy-nilly in the beginning of the “getting-to-know-you” stage.

I have to say I bristled at this mindset a little, I mean, isn’t this game playing? And who doesn’t like a good conversation? But on the other hand, as Tabitha and I talked about, by giving the reins over right away, we sometimes get played. Think about it, when you first meet a guy and he calls, we are turning that purse upside-down to answer or return the call quickly, no matter how busy we are. But, if you call him and he’s busy, he likely will not be digging all through is pocket to get the phone–he’ll check you later and at his convenience. And when he does call, if he’s has something to do, he has no issue ending the call and going about his business. Hmmmm….

While this book was not written from a Christian perspective, we know there is something to letting the man to the chasing. As Proverbs reminds us, he that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). If you are looking for something, you have to do some work right? If he isn’t willing to “put the time in” then he shouldn’t get the”pay”, (meaning the pleasure of your company), right? By setting things up now, are we keeping some of that power we give away so easily? Why do we give so much of ourselves away without thinking? Are we worried that he won’t like us as much? But haven’t we had the unfortunate experience of giving away all our power too soon in the name of making him happy, only to be hurt later on?

As I was typing this post, I thought that rule was a little on the monkeyshine side, but in retrospect, these ladies may have something…

Thoughts?

Phone pic courtesy of: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.telesalesmagic.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/heart-phone.jpg&imgrefurl

8 Nov 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesULeave a comment

But….I had plans!

Hi all!

It’s FABULOUS to be back with you! This topic is dear to my heart and I pray it will bless you!

pleadings — Please, Lord? I had plans....

I was catching up with a dear saved sister of mine recently and somehow we started talking about past plans that had not materialized. She was planning to get married and I was moving to another state. We laughed and lamented as we recalled the details of our grand plans in detail. She was seeing wedding dresses and name changes, while I had visions of roaming NYC and meeting people on the weekends. We both sighed in exasperation saying, “I had plans!” Have you ever said that when God said “no” or “not now”?

As saved women of God, while we know that He is the ultimate planner and His ways and thoughts are above ours, (Isaiah 55:9), sometimes there are just some things we don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong–I’m not saying that we don’t accept God’s will, but if we are honest, we will admit don’t always accept it right away and cheerfully, especially if we don’t see the reasoning. For many of us, as we actively (rather than passively) wait for the Lord to bless us with mates (if it’s God’s will), while we are in a “holding pattern”, this is a perfect time to consult with God on what you should be doing while you wait.

Use this time to “take inventory” of yourself with God. For some of us, it may be that God wants to mature us a bit. For others, we may need to focus more on Him. Mayhap we need to make sure we are complete in Christ and draw closer to Him as we pray and fast.

I also read somewhere that it’s a good idea to pay down most, if not all of your debt. After all, do you want to go into a union with thousands of dollars to pay off? And even if you have “completed” this list, God may be working on your spouse–pray for him!! In addition, this is also a good time to immerse yourself in the Word, into a ministry (usher board, visiting the sick, etc.,) take a class, study a country, learn a language, help someone with a resume, babysit for a single mom–the possibilities are many! By doing so, you are bringing glory to God, blessing someone, allowing yourself to grow, becoming a more confident and more well-rounded person, as well as spending less time consumed with the lack of spouse. In fact, doing these things may even better prepare you for who God has for you!

So ladies, let’s trade in our little ol’ plans for God’s plans! Sometimes they take patience, which doesn’t always feel good, but take comfort in knowing He has the best planned for you!

In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:6).

Love you!

Blen

*Picture courtesy of http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa23/cVitaNoble/2ndChance/D08-PleadingToGodSideview.jpg

31 Oct 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesU2 Comments

Far above rubies…

Hey ladies (and gents that have sneaked a peek–it’s ok :-D),

I have yet another question roaming around in my head courtesy of a conversation some good friends and I had regarding relationship conduct.

As women of God and believers in His Word, Proverbs 18:22 says: “whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour of the LORD”. In the process of him finding and “courting” us, how much pursuing do we let him do? And as a follow-up question, how “easy” do we make the pursuit for him?

For example, we were discussing courtship, and one of my friends said she would not be driving to or meeting any man halfway to make it easier for him to see her—he needed to make that sacrifice. She cited a couple who during their courtship, the young man drove from PA to OH, (I believe) every weekend without fail (and it was quite the distance). The other friend agreed, but was thinking once a couple is in the relationship, it was ok to take turns on who was driving to meet whom.

I understand the latter view about taking turns later, but I think it’s important to have the foundation laid that dude needs to do the pursuing–he needs to work to get you! Before you pooh-pooh my view, think about a relationship you were in (or know of someone) where you did a lot of the work..you calling him INITIALLY and ALL the time, driving him around INITIALLY and ALL the time, paying for dates INITIALLY and ALL the time, (ok..you get it) paying your half of the bill, meeting him on his terms, doing what he wanted….it was probably good at first, but you got tired of that likely and so did he. Now, I’m not saying to be spoiled and have everything your way, but if you make things too easy for a guy too early, he gets used to that treatment and subsequently will conform accordingly. So when he doesn’t want to pick you up, take you out, or pay for a meal–you wonder why? You spoiled him. Hey, why should he spend his money at “The Chicken Coop” when you can buy the chicken, season it, prepare all the fixins and watch TV on your couch? (I speak from experience, ladies). Trust me, after awhile, when date night comes up and you are expecting special, you’ll be as hot as a firecracker on July 4th when he calls talking about, “Boo, so tonight, why don’t you make that real good spaghetti you cook?–Matlock is on at 8pm. Be right over!” 🙂

Ladies, while preparing a meal, being cost-conscious, or doing something special for someone you like is not a crime, again the timing is crucial. Think about the way God made men– they have a special drive and determination–they play football, practice to be the best at something raid corporations, participate in extreme sports, etc., because they like a challenge. Anything that comes too easy to a man is just a trinket to be tossed aside when it’s no longer “shiny and new”. We are NOT trinkets! Proverbs 31:10 says, “who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” That’s why we have to wait to be found AND not be so anxious to please him that we “trinket-ise” ourselves. Any item that’s far above rubies is going to cost (I don’t mean just monetarily) and require some work!

It’s been said the sweetest fruit is at the top of the tree. Anybody can pick fruit of the low-lying branches! Let him work–climb the tree to get that fruit! Yes, you know how to open your car door and put on your own jacket– but it’s okay for him to do it! If he is too spoiled and lazy to work to get you, he won’t work to keep you!

As we prepare for God to bless us, let us pray for wisdom to govern ourselves accordingly when it comes to that special someone so we are not cold and aloof, but yet not too yielding in our efforts. Better yet, let’s rely on God (and wise council) to give us instructions on how to be the virtuous woman He put in all of us!

Love you!

~Blen