I was recently talking with a lady who has gotten married for the first time in her 40’s. When speaking about her hubby, I expected to hear all the wonderful (ok…and maybe some trying) things that happen in a new marriage, but with a positive overall outlook. Instead, my heart wept as she recounted some troubling issues and wondered aloud about the hasty decision-making process leading up to the nuptials.
Don’t I know about making unwise and quick decisions! In some cases, I needed to work a little OT to cover those decisions, but in other cases, my heart suffered as well as my “spiritual bottom” in getting chastened from the Lord. 🙂
As I am maturing in Christ, I found that running ahead of God’s timing and in His permissive will causes unneeded stress, heartache and suffering. David reminds us the steps of a good [wo]man are ordered by the Lord, (Psalms 37:23 (a) and many times those steps may lead us in a direction of waiting. In this “microwave” society we live in, even as people of God, we often veer off the ordered path in lieu of a shiny-“Mr.-Right-Now” blessing. While God does work suddenly and will guide you to some relationships, in many cases we need time to check him out to see if the “blessing” is a possible curse.
A wise deacon who has been married for several years told me, “you need to observe these guys in different settings— make him mad on purpose and see now he reacts!” We chuckled about that and while we know you shouldn’t intentionally anger someone as a test, you do need to spend enough time with them to see how different emotions are expressed.
*Sister Lola met brother Mark who claimed salvation and loved to worship in the house of God, yet resorted to unholy and vile name calling when he didn’t get his way. Lola terminated the relationship. When confiding to a friend as to why she cut the relationship off, Friend said, “oh he didn’t mean it, he was just upset. HELLO?! If he’s acting like that NOW, and claims to be Holy Ghost filled, how much more can that escalate later on towards her or possible future children? Physical abuse? Thank God she rejected the unwise counsel from friend and is waiting for whoever God has for her.
What about how he treats his mom or sisters? Rachelle met Erick and it was love almost instantly. She noticed a little friction between him and his sister, but who doesn’t have a little sibling rivalry, right? Turns out in a fit of anger years prior, Erick hurled an ash tray at his sister’s face, permanently scarring her. Even with this knowledge, Rachelle continued in the relationship, only to experience years of mental and physical torment. Rachelle finally got the courage to leave Erick, and repair her brokeness through the healing blood of Jesus Christ and salvation.
Leesa’s relationship with Dean developed after a short friendship. Dean was smart, successful and loved the Lord. As they were getting to know one another, Dean lost some money when the stock market crashed. He was so upset about it, he stopped speaking to Leesa for months. This pattern continued one form or another when there were unexpected bills that came about. As they eventually ended the relationship, Dean commented “all that money I spent [on you].”
While everyone is at a different place in their spiritual walk and growth must be allowed for, there are some situations God just warns us to stay away from, as they are not His intent for us. However, we are occasionally to lured to AND stay in these relationships thinking we can “help” the person, listening to those well-meaning, but wrong family or church members, or we settling out of fear and worry that no one else will be around for a while or ever. But our God loves us SO much He truly wants to bless us with our hearts’ desires as we delight ourselves in Him (Psalms 37:4) while we wait! WHEW! What an assurance, my friends!
As Michelle said in her last post, “God will not withhold His best from [us].” By His grace, let’s stay in God’s divine will–on the path He leads us on so we are in position to get His best!
*Names have been changed to protect the identities of persons involved.
8 thoughts on “Staying on the Path”
Hey all! I’m encouraged by the private responses I’ve been receiving. I know these are sensitive issues and it’s sometimes hard to comment “aloud”. However you get in touch with me is fine–just want you to be blessed by our mighty and powerful God! Love ya!
Hey Sis (and the rest of the ladies).. I pray all is well with everyone! As I read this topic, I said to myself, “she sure was on time with this one”!!! While I can’t say most of my past decisions are based on this particular post, I have recently been having alot of converastions with ladies with simular situations. I asked a friend of mine if she would mind if I shared some of her story. She said yes, and can’t wait to read the comments.
She married her husband about 10 years ago after dating about 4 years prior to that. Neither one of them were saved prior to them getting married. During this time, they both had “affairs”, his resulting in a child. She then got saved, and decided she no longer wanted to live in sin and wanted to be married. During this time, she knew this man was not saved, but yet still married him anyway. According to her and in her words, “he knew I could never marry again and he knew what I stood to lose once we got married so if he wasn’t going to fufill his end he shouldn’t have married me”. So, during this time he still continued this affair with the same lady and produced another child. They still remained married. He still continues to see the same lady.
As I speak with this lady daily, it really hurts me to hear the troubles that she is going through. But then again as I tell her daily, read 2 Corinthians 6:14. Just by conversations, it seemed that once she got saved, all her options seems to be limited to the one person she was with and she settled, thinking things or he would change and when things didn’t, all the blame was put on him. I believe GOD will never bless you with anything wrong, as long as you WAIT on him. Problem is, she didn’t wait. Now the spirit of depression, anger, lonliness, etc has taken over her mind. I sure wish she would subscribe to this blog.. (sorry for the long winded response, this was for her)
As for me, I thank GOD for the whispers in my ear he has given me over the years. I can’t say I haven’t had some trials, because I have surely came out a winner. Thank you so much Blenda for these blogs. I know I am all over the place with this one..lol (working and typing between two pages distracted me a little) but hopefully you get what I’m saying. Love ya!
Thanks for an INSIGHTFUL post and no, you we not all over the place or long winded at all. 🙂
I feel this young lady’s pain–there is nothing like skipping ahead of God only to find out after it’s too late, that you are outside of His will. While God forgives us, sometimes we STILL have to live with the aftermath of our mess.
I can recall when the Lord was calling me to be saved, I was engaged and was going back and forth trying to marry this young man before I gave my life to the Lord. Praise GOD that HE worked things out so I went ahead and got filled with the Holy Ghost like He wanted. Now, I won’t lie and say that it was easy to let the relationship go, but it was all for the best. Turns out I would have been we would have been on the early version of “sharing minutes” plan–and that’s NOT for me 🙂
This young lady having the Holy Ghost really should have yielded to God’s no. Whenever anyone gets married, saved or not, if it shouldn’t happen God WILL let you know, because marriage is sanctioned by Him. I have a story about that.
I often refer to a unsaved friend of mine who was seeing this guy for a number of years and they decided to get married. At some point she said she KNEW she shouldn’t marry him–she wanted to call the whole thing off as late as the night before the wedding, but went ahead anyway, only to end up in divorce court a few years later. If God talked that loudly to someone as saved as my bouf cap, He surely spoke to this girl you’re referring to, Mish. And I’m not condemning her, (we don’t always make good decisions) I’m just making it plain that God will guide us, IF we let Him.
You made the statement “just by conversations, it seemed that once she got saved, all her options seems to be limited…” that’s classic enemy-speak! She was deceived by the enemy under the guise of fear, doubt and unbelief.
The enemy shows us how things are now, but God tells us to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Michelle also said in the “Table for one” post, that God will not withhold His best from us. Why would God GIVE us a miserable relationship where there’s constant infidelity, hurt, mistrust and anger? All that’s good and perfect comes from Him (James 1:17)! So He doesn’t give it, we give it to ourselves and blame everyone and thing else.
I SO understand why the young lady feels betrayed and hurt. I say this is a spirit of love; it’s time to face the fact that a grave error was made and seek God’s forgiveness (if that hasn’t been done) and ask Him to heal from the hurt and bitterness that has taken root and probably manifests itself in word, thoughts and deed from time to time. She should live as saved as she knows how with the help of God, being an example to her hubby and family, and as a result, the Lord just may save and deliver him–it’s not too late! I know I’ll be praying to that end for her.
I also pray ladies, that we will hear the voice of God in all we do and say as well as follow it—to avoid the heartache that comes with not yielding.
Thanks again, Mish!
Hey Blenda.. (and the rest of the ladies).. I just want to thank you for responding and offering your wonderful words of wisdom. Not only did speaking on this topic help my friend, but it helped me to help her. When we chatted last night and I told you this was a blessing to me, and I guess I needed to explain. One of my part-time jobs and God’s talents is counseling. During the last year or so, God has been moving and shifting people in/out of my life, bringing me before new situations and people – elevating me to a new level. During a revival a few weeks ago, there were some things spoken unto me that I am now receiving confirmation on. One of them is your blog title: Staying on the Path. When I read your original blog comment, it touched me because it was spoke on some of the same comments/advise I gave my friend. But what scared me was the above response. It was almost identical in what I told her. With this being said, I know that I am on the right path. On the right path with not only using my “worldly” (book) knowledge, but my spiritual knowledge as well. There were times where I would hold back, or look for others for confirmation in what I already knew.. but now, please.. I don’t know what happened but Ms. Misha is BACK!..:)
Isn’t it a good feeling to know that you have been a blessing to someone, just as someone has been a blessing to you? Thank you Blenda. My friend says God Bless you as well and thank you for your prayers.
PRAISE GOD!!! Words cannot EVEN express the joy I feel in being a blessing to you and your friend. All the glory and honor go to God!
I am excited for you that you heard God’s voice as to what you should be doing for Him and it was confirmed in your spirit. Every now and again we need assurance we are on the right path and if we are willing to listen, God will let us know, because He doesn’t want us to be on the wrong path at all.
I will be praying that He will continue to speak clearly, bless you to give wise counsel, and that you follow through on His orders in Jesus name!
As for your friend, I am excited for her that she received what God said and looking forward to Him doing great things in her life. As I was praying for her this morning, the Word came to me that said “is there anything too hard for God?”(Jeremiah 32:27) And truly, there isn’t. Things may not happen when and how we want them, but God is STILL on the throne, in control and able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:20)! Please keep us posted on the victory reports!
God bless you!!
Hey Blen, I finally have a moment to respond. LOL! I just want everyone to know that I am married and not single. (Sorry for any grammatical errors you may see, I just want to share some insight, hopefully, it’s helpful…)
I was in a relationship with someone for a couple of years prior to meeting my wonderful husband (8 years). I was so caught up in wanting a boyfriend like my other “friends” that I settled for someone who claimed to be saved. I knew he was not filled but kept trying to convince myself that he was a nice guy, treated me right (according to my own standards) and in my defiance against my parents, I kept seeing him.
I made choices that shouldn’t have been made knowing that the Lord was telling me he wasn’t right for me. I was so desperate to have someone in my life because of my own sick depression and low self-esteem. I’d sleep from the time I got home in the afternoon until the next morning and repeated this for about a year, this was while I was in this so-called relationship.
I was severely depressed, suicidal and I repressed all of my own insecurities and let them filter into anger and had a downright mean disposition. My own sisters called me, “psycho sae.” I can laugh about it now, but my behavior caused me to disregard God, the bible, my parents and everyone in my life who meant something.
This guy even came to church a few times, crying and claiming to want the holyghost. My dad, (my pastor at the time, as well) saw straight through him and had a talk with me but I didn’t want to hear it.
Finally, to make a very, very long story short, after the Lord kept on dealing with me, I had told him I needed space. During this time I began to talk to the Lord more, stay in my services, deal with my anger by going up in the prayer line, getting restored, reading the bible, leading devotion, I started to get right with God.
At the time, this guy was still in love with me. I had already lost affection for him when I was trying to re-establish my relationship with God. When you began to really open up yourself wholeheartedly to God, He opens up grander possibilities for you and takes away the very emotions that kept you bound by your flesh’s will and satan’s bind.
During this time of redeveloping my relationship with God, this man from this church that my church fellowshipped with for YEARS appeared in my life. This guy was the “piano player” from the church that I had a childhood crush on, of which I told noone because I thought I had NO CHANCE with him!
(Trying to keep short, lol)
My (now) husband “the piano player” had prayed and asked the Lord to show him his wife because he did not want to date any longer, he wanted “the one” for him.
The Lord gave him a dream, where I and his mom were planning our engagement celebration. In the dream, my name was not revealed. So, he went back in prayer, the Lord showed him the same dream but a banner that said, “Congratulations Marques and Sara” and at that moment he knew! So, he emailed me (he got my email address from his sister, I had recently befriended her.) Ironic? No. God!
Funny enough the first email he sent to me, I trashed because I thought it was spam. LOL! But anyway, the second one he sent was signed, “the piano player,” I opened and the rest is history–my wonderful husband of 8 years and awesome dad to my 3 boys.
So, I’m saying all this to say that God DOES indeed let you know when someone/something isn’t right. You are aware of right and wrong and we are the ones who choose to make bad decisions and then get angry at God when it blows up in our face. I’m just glad I listened to the voice of the Lord at the time I was with the other guy and I thank God that He set me up with the “right one” for me!
While we dated though, there was a time we both didn’t listen to the voice of the Lord when He clearly told us both to marry. We listened to other people’s opinions about waiting and staying apart from one another but it did not work. When we were together again, we ignored the voice of the Lord and made a wrong decision and had intercourse. As with any warning that you do not heed, you pay the consequences, we ended up pregnant!That’s another saga of struggle but in the end victory (different topic, different convo!) LOL!
If you look at a little portion of my life from what I mentioned, the point that I listened to the Lord was with deciding to be with my (now) husband! HALLELUJAH!
The real point in my sharing is that it is VITAL to listen to the voice of the Lord! When you don’t, you do pay the consequences! Whether it’s ending up with the wrong person for life or God revealing your sin you keep trying to hide. When we don’t listen to His voice, HE WILL make us hear because what’s done in darkness, will come to the light and you just reap what you sew!
I have a beautiful child, a sweet and handsome young son out of it, but at the time, it was VERY DIFFICULT, the ridicule, the eyes, the comments… again, different topic but God’s voice is always speaking, if only we’d listen, we’d be in His perfect will.
It is essential to develop that intimate relationship with God where no one or nothing else matters but what HE says because in fact, He is all that matters and the rest falls into place!
We just have to stay quiet long enough to hear His still, sweet voice…
Sara, what a wonderful story! Your story really touched my soul.. so much I hope you don’t mind that I shared it with a few friends, both men AND women. I can’t begin to tell you how many male friends related. We stayed up late talking about this post… Thank you!!!
Blen, I am so glad GOD used you thru this blog. Just reading responses like Sara’s not only shares hope and confirmation, but gives others Faith that there is a GOD out there speaking, and as Sara said if we’d listen we will be in his perfect will. I share some of the stories (names omitted) with my friends and clients and the feedback is awesome! I could go on and on, but I will stop. I just love you ladies.. Have a blessed day!!
I second the your comments regarding Sara’s testimony, Misha! (And praise God that the blog is a blessing–I KNOW I’m getting blessed by it and I’m sure the readers are as well)!
Sae, your testimony was POWERFUL and ENCOURAGING to me. I thank God for blessing you to post it when you did, because in re-reading my original post, I quoted Psalm 37:4 and just last week the Lord gave that to me again–as He did when I got saved almost two decades ago. That’s a call to action for me–I better stay on that path and LISTEN!
I thank God for you all commenting. It’s not easy to share (myself included) but the Word tells us, we overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies! May the Lord bless the you all richly for sharing and the readers as well. I love you all!!!