7 reasons why we do not forgive.

Hey there BCU Family!

As usual, you have the option of listening to our podcast (click the BCU avatar below to listen), reading the notes or BOTH. In any case, we pray the podcast blesses you. If so, please thumbs up or leave a comment! Thank you and enjoy your study!

So if you’ve been listening for any length of time, you may notice the the Lord has been bringing up forgiveness.

Quite a bit.

Forgiveness means a dismissal of a debt; letting go or a release. Our version of forgiveness usually deals with us giving out “justice”, meaning, giving people what we feel they deserve (bad treatment/punishment). In actuality, our forgiveness should be steeped in grace (giving people the good they do not deserve) and mercy NOT giving people the bad treatment/punishment they deserve.

It’s been said that lack of forgiveness is the number one sins committed among Christians—which is pretty sad and scary considering the Matthew 18:34-35, that reminds us if we don’t forgive our brother of their trespasses from the heart, we’ll be delivered over to the tormentors (see Matthew 18:23-35 for the entire Scripture in context).

Below, are 7 common reasons* that people choose to hold on to offenses. And Scriptures answers to why you should let go of the offense.

1) I’ll forgive when he/she apologizes. See Matthew 5:23-24.

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Sometimes we need to initiate the conversation to accelerate the forgiveness process.

2) I’ll forgive when they PROVE they changed. | See Matthew 18:23-27

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

Notice that in order to be forgiven, the king did not require any proof of change. He simply forgave his servant. Grace and mercy in action.

3) I’ll forgive her, but I won’t forget what she did. | See Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Typically, whatever the offender did was something that has hurt us, makes us angry, disappointed, etc.  If we keep “replaying” in our minds what the offender did, we are in direct violation of what God says we should be thinking about. Forgiving the person will release you of the hurt and allow you to think on the positive things Paul talks about.

4) He does not have to worry about me,  he is out of my life forever. | See Matthew 18:32-35; I John 3:15 

32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

Bottom line? If we don’t forgive, we will NOT make it into Heaven. Period.

5) She needs to come to me FIRST. It wasn’t my fault. See 1 John 2:16; Proverbs 16:18; Matthew 5:23-25.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

That statement is steeped in pride, which goes before destruction. Once again, we may need to initiate the conversation in order to facilitate the forgiveness.

6) I forgave him, but were not speaking. |See 1 John 2:16; Proverbs 16:18; Matthew 5:23-25

Pride rears it’s ugly head again. See the Scriptures for reason number 5.

7) If I forgive her, I’m a punk, admitting wrong, letting her off the hook. |See Matthew 5:7.

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 

Mercy is NOT giving someone the bad/punishment they deserve.

Forgiving is SERIOUS business. How many of these reasons have you used to justify not forgiving people? What are you thoughts about forgiving? Please head down to the comments section to share your thoughts so we can continue our conversation!

In the meantime, if you have not subscribed to BlenCouragesU.com, please do so! It’s free and a good place to get the encouragement, inspiration and information based the Word of God! Additionally, you can also see what we are up to on Facebook, Twitter,  and Instagram,  You can also listen in and subscribe to the podcast on Stitcher Radio , Google Play, and Apple podcasts!

Thank you SO much for stopping by. God bless, keep and make His face to shine upon you as you #StayOnTheWall!



*Reasons were adapted from https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/the-real-reason-we-don-t-forgive.html. Updated and Scripture-referenced by BlenCouragesU.


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Just an average girl. Saved by and serving an AWESOME God who assigned me to help encourage His people to #StayOnTheWall.

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