Stay on the wall – Page 24

Far above rubies…

Hey ladies (and gents that have sneaked a peek–it’s ok :-D),

I have yet another question roaming around in my head courtesy of a conversation some good friends and I had regarding relationship conduct.

As women of God and believers in His Word, Proverbs 18:22 says: “whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour of the LORD”. In the process of him finding and “courting” us, how much pursuing do we let him do? And as a follow-up question, how “easy” do we make the pursuit for him?

For example, we were discussing courtship, and one of my friends said she would not be driving to or meeting any man halfway to make it easier for him to see her—he needed to make that sacrifice. She cited a couple who during their courtship, the young man drove from PA to OH, (I believe) every weekend without fail (and it was quite the distance). The other friend agreed, but was thinking once a couple is in the relationship, it was ok to take turns on who was driving to meet whom.

I understand the latter view about taking turns later, but I think it’s important to have the foundation laid that dude needs to do the pursuing–he needs to work to get you! Before you pooh-pooh my view, think about a relationship you were in (or know of someone) where you did a lot of the work..you calling him INITIALLY and ALL the time, driving him around INITIALLY and ALL the time, paying for dates INITIALLY and ALL the time, (ok..you get it) paying your half of the bill, meeting him on his terms, doing what he wanted….it was probably good at first, but you got tired of that likely and so did he. Now, I’m not saying to be spoiled and have everything your way, but if you make things too easy for a guy too early, he gets used to that treatment and subsequently will conform accordingly. So when he doesn’t want to pick you up, take you out, or pay for a meal–you wonder why? You spoiled him. Hey, why should he spend his money at “The Chicken Coop” when you can buy the chicken, season it, prepare all the fixins and watch TV on your couch? (I speak from experience, ladies). Trust me, after awhile, when date night comes up and you are expecting special, you’ll be as hot as a firecracker on July 4th when he calls talking about, “Boo, so tonight, why don’t you make that real good spaghetti you cook?–Matlock is on at 8pm. Be right over!” 🙂

Ladies, while preparing a meal, being cost-conscious, or doing something special for someone you like is not a crime, again the timing is crucial. Think about the way God made men– they have a special drive and determination–they play football, practice to be the best at something raid corporations, participate in extreme sports, etc., because they like a challenge. Anything that comes too easy to a man is just a trinket to be tossed aside when it’s no longer “shiny and new”. We are NOT trinkets! Proverbs 31:10 says, “who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” That’s why we have to wait to be found AND not be so anxious to please him that we “trinket-ise” ourselves. Any item that’s far above rubies is going to cost (I don’t mean just monetarily) and require some work!

It’s been said the sweetest fruit is at the top of the tree. Anybody can pick fruit of the low-lying branches! Let him work–climb the tree to get that fruit! Yes, you know how to open your car door and put on your own jacket– but it’s okay for him to do it! If he is too spoiled and lazy to work to get you, he won’t work to keep you!

As we prepare for God to bless us, let us pray for wisdom to govern ourselves accordingly when it comes to that special someone so we are not cold and aloof, but yet not too yielding in our efforts. Better yet, let’s rely on God (and wise council) to give us instructions on how to be the virtuous woman He put in all of us!

Love you!

~Blen

6 Sep 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesU12 Comments

Does your heart need healing?

Hey all,

I didn’t post last week (please forgive me) but I have a few ideas roaming around in my head and I think I will start with this one. This is something I penned years ago out of my heart and I recently found it again. So many young ones (and not so young) are going through for love when Jesus took care of that for us all. I thought I would share an excerpt with you.

There was a time I wasn’t free
There was a time I was hurting
There was a time I was being hurt
It was mental, it was physical
It was from someone who said, but “Bay, you know I love you”.

I was bound in bondage–at the time I didn’t know
The enemy had this sabotage planned
in order to forever claim my soul.

I went through life trying to mask the pain
A voice telling me I was to blame
I wasn’t good enough I needed to improve
Then he’s really love me–hey, that’s a good move.

But even with this brand new me
The changes I mad that all else could see
Wasn’t good enough for he
I was still being lied to, he’s still cheating on me

But the prayers of my parents and loved ones and friends
didn’t fall on deaf ears, for God heard and saw my pain.
And He wanted to dry my tears.

After leaving from that mess, a new freedom I’m on
I could be myself, the healing could begin
I let that bad man out of my life and let Jesus in.

To forgive me, love me and show me love.
That unconditional agape amour that comes from above
To show me how to forgive and love others, too.
And to learn to love myself and all that I do.

Love my skin, my lips, and my hair
Learn from my past mistakes, and with others I’ll share
The real way to love us yes, though a man,
His name is JESUS– it’s part of His divine plan.

To let us know to love Him first.
Trust Him to give us what we need–including a man
A real man who will love, honor and cherish me correctly
Like the beautiful, unique queen that I am.

I want women everywhere to know that true love starts and ends with Christ. He can heal your broken heart and make you whole again. He desires to fulfill all your needs, we just have to wait on Him–it’s not easy, but totally worth it. Be encouraged!

Love,

Blen

© Blenda, Blen’s Blog and poem/Blenblogs, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Blenda and Blenblogs with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Thank you

30 Aug 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesU5 Comments

Heavy heart?

Hi all!

This post is related to a comment made by Sara on earlier this week about being whole. “…one thing you DO NOT want to do is get into a relationship with low self-esteem. You will begin to question your boyfriend/husband’s faithfulness, his truthfulness [about being beautiful,] and your negative thoughts become power and that power consumes you making you feel like the ugliest being on the planet and that makes you feel alone even when you are coupled.” WOW!!!!! POWERFUL statement, right? You know, it’s my opinion that as children of God, as we are saved and Holy-Ghost filled, we may not be whole in certain areas. Allow me to explain (yep, I have another story, shared with permission and names changed).

Lea was friends with a Mike for a few years before they decided they liked each other. Lea was saved, in school, working and loving life. Mike was also saved, educated, hard-working guy. They dated for awhile– all giddy with excitement about marriage, kids and maybe even a dog :-). But, they didn’t make it. And it wasn’t all HIS fault.

While Lea was Holy-Ghost filled, she was NOT healed from the hurts from her past relationships– that manifested itself in various ways. For example, Lea wasn’t a big sports fan, but would muster up excitement while watching ESPN with Mike. Hey, she hadn’t had a date in years and didn’t want to mess this up. When Mike cancelled dates at the last minute, Lea was upset, but rather than talk about it, she pretended she was ok. After all, she didn’t want to seem like a nag and wanted to prove she was Christ-like and able to forgive. She even lied to him about how far she went with past boyfriends so he’d stay interested in her. In short, Lea’s self-esteem was so low, she felt she had to be a certain way in order to keep him around and interested. It was tiring to Lea to keep pretending, but it was the only way she knew to operate so he’d stick around. Eventually one thing led to another, and the relationship ended.

Lea, (like many other women) was so battle-weary from past rejections, hurts, self-doubt, watching friends get boyfriends/married, etc., that when this guy came along, she allowed the whispers of doubt and fear from the enemy to control her thoughts and actions. This is where she needed to allow the Lord to come in and heal her heart.

This reminds me of the woman with the spirit of infirmity Luke 13:11-13. She had lived with this issue for eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no way lift up herself. For Lea, every rejection, negative comment, the tormenting voices–all that pain began to pile up and weigh her down to a point where she could not lift herself up, like many of us. But just as Jesus saw and called the woman to be loosed from her infirmity, He is calling to us to be healed as well!

Facing up to the things that hurt us is difficult and painful. But so is carrying it around–and now you don’t have to anymore! Jesus is calling to us to be made whole in all the areas of our lives, for His glory foremost, and especially if we want to attract whole people–this goes for all relationships–not just potential mates. Today, ask God in faith to lift you up from all areas you are bowed down in, bless you to be confident though Him, and replace the areas of fear with His perfect love (I John 4:18). Take comfort in knowing that it is His pleasure to heal you and then walk upright and see the “whole” bright future God has for you!

Love you all!

Blen

21 Aug 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesU9 Comments

Staying on the Path

Hi all!

I was recently talking with a lady who has gotten married for the first time in her 40’s. When speaking about her hubby, I expected to hear all the wonderful (ok…and maybe some trying) things that happen in a new marriage, but with a positive overall outlook. Instead, my heart wept as she recounted some troubling issues and wondered aloud about the hasty decision-making process leading up to the nuptials.

Don’t I know about making unwise and quick decisions! In some cases, I needed to work a little OT to cover those decisions, but in other cases, my heart suffered as well as my “spiritual bottom” in getting chastened from the Lord. 🙂

As I am maturing in Christ, I found that running ahead of God’s timing and in His permissive will causes unneeded stress, heartache and suffering. David reminds us the steps of a good [wo]man are ordered by the Lord, (Psalms 37:23 (a) and many times those steps may lead us in a direction of waiting. In this “microwave” society we live in, even as people of God, we often veer off the ordered path in lieu of a shiny-“Mr.-Right-Now” blessing. While God does work suddenly and will guide you to some relationships, in many cases we need time to check him out to see if the “blessing” is a possible curse.

A wise deacon who has been married for several years told me, “you need to observe these guys in different settings— make him mad on purpose and see now he reacts!” We chuckled about that and while we know you shouldn’t intentionally anger someone as a test, you do need to spend enough time with them to see how different emotions are expressed.

*Sister Lola met brother Mark who claimed salvation and loved to worship in the house of God, yet resorted to unholy and vile name calling when he didn’t get his way. Lola terminated the relationship. When confiding to a friend as to why she cut the relationship off, Friend said, “oh he didn’t mean it, he was just upset. HELLO?! If he’s acting like that NOW, and claims to be Holy Ghost filled, how much more can that escalate later on towards her or possible future children? Physical abuse? Thank God she rejected the unwise counsel from friend and is waiting for whoever God has for her.

What about how he treats his mom or sisters? Rachelle met Erick and it was love almost instantly. She noticed a little friction between him and his sister, but who doesn’t have a little sibling rivalry, right? Turns out in a fit of anger years prior, Erick hurled an ash tray at his sister’s face, permanently scarring her. Even with this knowledge, Rachelle continued in the relationship, only to experience years of mental and physical torment. Rachelle finally got the courage to leave Erick, and repair her brokeness through the healing blood of Jesus Christ and salvation.

Leesa’s relationship with Dean developed after a short friendship. Dean was smart, successful and loved the Lord. As they were getting to know one another, Dean lost some money when the stock market crashed. He was so upset about it, he stopped speaking to Leesa for months. This pattern continued one form or another when there were unexpected bills that came about. As they eventually ended the relationship, Dean commented “all that money I spent [on you].”

While everyone is at a different place in their spiritual walk and growth must be allowed for, there are some situations God just warns us to stay away from, as they are not His intent for us. However, we are occasionally to lured to AND stay in these relationships thinking we can “help” the person, listening to those well-meaning, but wrong family or church members, or we settling out of fear and worry that no one else will be around for a while or ever. But our God loves us SO much He truly wants to bless us with our hearts’ desires as we delight ourselves in Him (Psalms 37:4) while we wait! WHEW! What an assurance, my friends!

As Michelle said in her last post, “God will not withhold His best from [us].” By His grace, let’s stay in God’s divine will–on the path He leads us on so we are in position to get His best!

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of persons involved.

13 Aug 201019 Dec 2015

BlenCouragesU8 Comments

Table for….one

Dessert for one — A perfect ending for a solo dinner

Hi everyone!

I mentioned in a previous post I’m reading a book called “The Young Lady in Waiting” (Kendall & Jones, 2008), that gives a biblical perspective and encouragement to those in God’s waiting room. A question was posed to a woman who was single after ten years out of college: “what helps you to be so satisfied as a single woman?” She responded, ” a full place setting”. What?!!

Evidently, this woman had real china, crystal and silverware she had
been saving for “him” while eating off paper plates. She said the Lord showed her she didn’t have to wait for the mate to bring beauty into her world, so she began eating off the china and drinking out of that fine crystal. A while later, she unknowingly sat in front of her future in-laws at church, met their son and eventually got married. While she now has someone to share the china with, her satisfaction didn’t come from the hubby– it was already there through Christ.

I thought that was a great story…it got me to thinking what keeps me satisfied. Of course, being saved and complete in Christ tops the chart. Additionally though, I think a better healthier perspective on this season keeps me. Although I am a card-carrying member of the “couch potato club”, I do like to travel when I can–locally as well as in the United States.

While traveling with someone is fun, I can’t be waiting around for “him” to take me! So I took a couple of trips last month for fun and enjoyed it! I even got some folks to take some pics of me to commemorate the occasion. I even (gulp)… dined in restaurants…..alone! Yes, it was a little weird for a minute, but I relaxed and enjoyed it. It helps develop your social skills, opens you up to meet new people, learn other things, witness for Christ and perhaps bless someone else. And, like the lady in the story, you could meet your mate!

So, I ask you, what keeps you satisfied as a single? And if you aren’t there yet (that’s ok— sometimes it’s a process) what could you start doing with God’s help to get there?

Kendall, Jackie & Jones, Debby. (2008). The Young Lady in Waiting: Developing the Heart of a Princess. ISBN 076842657X.